Can't Live Without Her

chapter three

We both silently nod at each other and walk out of Marie's and start making our way down to the park. I don't know how we made the decision to walk to the park without speaking, but that was the place we always went when we wanted to talk. We would lay in the empty field and and just talk for hours. How I loved those conversations. I always think about them for weeks after they occur. I always get bored of people, but I could talk to her everyday and never get bored. I have talked to her everyday and I've never gotten bored. It's been nine years of her being my best friend/sister and it's gonna be 90 more. I don't even know how I could live without her. I can't live without her.

We finally make it to the park. The walk is barley a block but feels like eight. It feels so awkward. All we ever do is talk, no matter how awkward or hard hitting the topic may be. Now there's nothing but silence between us and it feels so unnatural. These past minutes have presented a lot of things to talk about. Maybe we just both need sometime to take this all in.

We sit down at our usual spot and finally I decide just to break the tension,

"So are we like gonna eat or..."

This makes her laugh and she presents the first real question,

"So this is probably a weird question but, like, well, where do you do 'it'? I've never really noticed any scars or anything."

"I did it on my wrists but then lately I've been doing it on my thighs and my ribs"

"Did? Lately?? How long has this been going on Nellie?" she almost shouts, I can hear the pain in her voice

"I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner."

"Nellie. It hurts me that you hurt. It hurts me so bad"

"I feel the same way about you Martina. But we're gonna stop this, together."

"Agreed."

And with that conversation over, we began our walk home. I live close to the park so we end up passing my house on the way there. I suddenly remember the calls. Shit.

My mom is outside smoking, but it feels like she's waiting for me. She gives me a face and I immediately know that I have to say good bye to Martina. I hold up one finger and she looks disappointed but lets me continue.

We hug and she whispers,

"Everything is gonna be alright Nellie. I promise you. Just get through this and you can come over. We'll do something fun. We'll get your mind off this chaos."

I give her a half hearted smile and tell her that I love her. I know that my house is going to be chaos, it always is, and I'm worried as to what the calls were about. I know I'm probably just in trouble, but it still worries me.

"I love you Martina" I say

"I love you too"

"Text me when you get home so I know you're safe."

"Okay. I love you so much"

With that, we hug and she starts walking home. As I enter my yard I know that this seemingly great day is going to take a turn. I'm used to it though.

I make my walk as long as possible, now that my mom is inside. I know that this will just make them more upset but I value every second of peace that I can spare.

I walk in the door and am greeted by shouting and a door slam in the distance.

Home sweet home.