ENEMY LINES

GIVETH & TAKETH

ANGIE

I'm laying on my left lateral with my back facing the door. I've been unable to stop the tears from falling since the doctor told me that I'd lost my little Roman,that's the name he's father had given him because it rhymes with Romeo. He had already started preparing his nursery and had put up his name on the door of the nursery. I feel a breeze on my back, signaling that someone is at the door.

"Come in Romeo"

"How did you know it was me"

"Lucky guess"

I turnover and sit up as he props my pillows for comfort. I look at his him and notice his brown eyes are glistening with swollen eyelids. He won't stop sniffing due to his sinuses which usually act up in spring or when he was crying,I'm guessing the latter. Right now he looks so tired,sad,hurt and guilty because he keeps avoiding eye contact.

"How are you feeling"

I really want to say,how do you think I'm feeling after losing my son.

"I'm just tired. How are you?"

He takes both my hands into his and tries his best to keep his eyes on me but I notice he's looking at my forehead than into my eyes. With silent tears running down his face. He apologises.

"Angie baby,I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you,I'm sorry for killing our baby. I'm sorry for being unfaithful. I'm sorry for being disohnest. I'm sorry"

I put my index finger on his lips. It hurts me that I lost my baby but it hurts to see him blame himself for it.

"Shhhhh....you did not kill our son. It was an accident. Stop blaming yourself,you didn't mean for what transpired to happen"

He stands up and paces around the room. I ask him to return to his chair when he sudenly raises his voice.

"No! Angie if I hadn't done what I did you wouldn't have dropped and fallen down the stairs. It's my fault,it's all my fault. Now my son is gone all because of me"

He puts his head on my lap as he cried onto my lap ,I can feel my thighs getting wet from his tears. I rub on his back comforting him and I tell him about my dream..

"in the operating theatre the doctor gave me anaesthetic,so I was completely knocked out. Just when the drugs started working,I heard my brothers voice. We were at my old home and he was playing ball with someone,I looked at the man carefully and I realised it was my dad. My mom came out with glasses of juice from the house and called to us to come drink. When I started to walk towards them I felt a little hand grab my hand."

Romeo looks up at me as I continue with my dream.

"I look to see a little boy with your big ass head (Romeo laughs) and your beautiful eyes. We walked over to where my brother and parents where seated. Shaun called our son by his name,Roman, and told him to come sit on his lap. He let go of my hand and I felt a deep wave of sadness because I knew that he was leaving me for good. "

I wipe a tear falling down his left cheek.

"The all sat on the table when I suddenly saw that there was another woman,she was of mixed race and had brown eyes like yours with a dimple on her right cheek, that showed as she smiled at me. She stood up and gave me a hug,a hug that said all is well and from that moment the sadness I felt seemed to disapear"

"That woman is my mother baby" Romeo adds

"I figured it out when she told me to tell her boys to be good"