Vermilion (SCOROSE)

12. Sunday, November 5th, 2022: In which I'm petty

Sunday, November 5th, 2022. Lily's room. Early, VERY early morning. 

Staying with Lily for these past few days has been quite an interesting experience. For one, I never worried once that the light would disturb her when I did my homework. She doesn't get any sleep anyway. 

Most of the time, if not, all of the time, Lily remains motionless in her bed. Stiff and still. Completely silent. Sometimes I don't hear any sound come from her at all, and I start imagining extremely traumatic scenarios in my mind. 

The one that I usually think of is that her nervous system has collapsed and she's had a stroke. Some vessel has exploded in her brain because of how little sleep she's getting and it's somehow, someway messed everything up in her head.

I'm not sure whether everyone who's slept next to Lily experiences this level of paranoia when they're with her, but I'm very sure that her chronic insomnia has always caused the family some distress. 

Even Hugo who is going through his typical pre-pubescent rebellious, "I'm so different and weird," phase, once told me that he was worried she was going to die. 

I told him she wasn't. Everyone takes it out of proportion and it makes Lily feel even more angry at herself for not being able to do something as basic as sleep. 

I mean, she does sleep. During class, sometimes during lunch. She just, in the blink of an eye, shuts down and hibernates. It's almost involuntary. Once, her face landed right into her boiling hot potato soup, and she immeditately woke back up and started sobbing hysterically on the dinner table. This was when I was twelve, it was the summer holidays. 

When I tended to her with some ointment and tried telling her the pain would pass, she yelled, "I'm not crying because it hurts!"

I had been mind-boggled, "Then, why are you crying?"

She seemed shocked I had dared ask the question. It seemed reasonable to me, but, to her, it was unfathomable why I didn't already understand. "Because! It's been three days since I slept, I have to wait another two days till my mind finally does what normal people's minds do."

I looked at her now, finally asleep like a baby. In so much peace. 

I watched her for a few minutes, as her chest went up and down. Suddenly, I felt this burst of warmth and I tip-toed over to her and kissed her on her tiny, cold forehead. "I love you, little one."

Then, I got my night gown, wrapped it around myself and began a new, shite day. 

Sunday, November 5th, 2022. Still Early. Dorms.

Dear Rose. 

Here we go. 

It's Mum. 

I thought it would be Santa Claus. 

I write this letter to confirm your grades. Please reply back with a list of your grades per subject. Hugo did so four weeks ago. He's doing very well. 

If I remember correctly, Hugo was failing Defense and Arithmacy. 

How are you, by the way? I miss you so much. 

Oh and how is your tutoring going? Marie sent me a letter, telling me of your progress. I'm so happy Scorpius could help you. How is he? Probably grown a lot more in these past two years since I saw him.

Marie = Doris. 

Anyway, running out of parchment so I'll stop writing now. 

Love you,