Oasis

4

I was paralysed with confusion. Did I really just explode at Diana? Did she say sorry? This thought that she might actually be sorry (for all the years of pain she's caused me) seems made up. Diana Taylor never, ever says that word. Not ever.
As soon as I got home, I went straight upstairs to my bed, which was the one place where I could think. I didn't even have time to talk to Mum.
Max barged into my room clutching a pink box.
"Um, knock?" I snapped, lying back and rubbing my forehead.
"Oh, sorry. Carren, does Mum like radishes?"
"You'll have to ask her. Why?" I said, sitting up and yawning, not really focusing.
"We grew these at the plots in school. You can put them in a stew or something, can't you?"
"Max, I barely even know what radishes are! I'm not Masterchef, you know." I yawned again.
"You can look it up."
"Okay, why don't you go and find a good recipe for me, and I'll think about it," I compromised. He trailed off, still holding the damn radishes.
I felt really hot inside, in like the pit of my stomach. Why should we try so hard for Mum, when all she did was get a fricking divorce? She needs to grow up a lot.
The house phone buzzed into action.
"Um, hello?" I answered wearily, pressing it harder to my ear.
"Hi, are you Mrs Winters? I'm from Max's school regarding an incident at lunchtime."
"Er-yes, that's me," I said, making my voice a growl. Hey, I'm not doing Mum any favors.
"Well, Max has punched a boy in the nose for apparently no reason. The boy's mother is very upset."
I mouthed silent swear words.
"Oh - yes? I'm so sorry, Max will be consequently punished." I said, shaking with rage.
"Hang on, Mrs Winters. Max isn't fitting in very well with his classmates.
Is there a problem at home?"
"No," I said too quickly. "I mean, not at all. I'll talk to him. Thank you. Bye."
I hung up abruptly, ready to explode.
"Max!" I hollered. "Get up here right this instant!"
He came into my room and when he saw the phone in my hand, he made a break for it. I caught him by the neck of his hoodie.
"Sit," I snarled, having no sympathy whatsoever for the sniffling boy in front of me.
"I want to talk to you, so you better goddamn listen! Don't shame me like that again. That guy was threatening to come round and put you in care!"
"Really?" Max asked fearfully, his eyes round.
"Nearly. Don't draw attention to yourself. Do you want that to happen?"
"No."
"It was apparently unprovoked."
"No, Owen started it. He called me ugly and that my mum must be too, and my whole family stink. All the boys laughed. That's why I punched him. He deserved it."
I shook my head at him.
"Max, ignore him. Please don't do this again. I'm phoning the school."
"No!" He said desperately. "The other boys will hate me!"
I looked at him squarely, trying to figure out this strange little boy in front of me.
"Okay," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "I'm still cross with you, although I won't tell Mum, I promise."
"She won't listen anyway," Max said sadly, hanging his head.
"Hey, hey, hey. She does, and she always will... but maybe she's finding it a little hard to talk right now."
"Mm." he agreed uncertainly.
I wasn't sure who was right either.
I decided to abandon my cruel thoughts about Mum for the rest of the evening. I chatted normally and looked for any sign of expression on her face. But deep inside, those thoughts were still swimming about in the back of my head, ready to turn my mood from happy to evil.
Mum was sort of getting better. That's what I prayed. She never talked or moved, but gave me a little half smile for all my troubles. Like looking after your children for you, I thought bitterly. I managed to swallow it down and plaster on a huge smile back for her.

On the inside, I'm screaming.