Come Josephine, In My Flying Machine

Maybe it's not the end.

I wrapped my arms around my legs and sat on the bed. Every word Avi said rang in my ears. The truth was that nobody understands that it's not me who has changed, it's my situation. The fact that I don't know what to do next, the fact that I am confused about my personality is ignored by others. I thought of creating someone new. I personality built all by myself. A new Spencer. Not a girl everybody wanted me to become. But now I know, she isn't me. I was vulnerable to change.

My legs were swollen. And my nerves were twitching. Symptoms of paralysis. Maybe it's time I become what I originally was. I shifted from the bed and opened the drawer, revealing
the book Dad gifted me. I threw it..... I threw a gift? Tears rolled down my eyes. They all hate me. My friends. My family.

I tiptoed to the other room to find my parents. My Dad was set on a desk with his head buried in his palms.

Ouch. My legs hurt.

Mom was huddled on the couch, half asleep. I crawled up to her and hugged her, burying my nose on her shoulders. The maternal smell, a mixture of vanilla and soap, filled my nostrils and an immediate nostalgia struck. A strange sense of warmth engulfed me.

"I am sorry." It came out as a pained sob.

Mom hugged me back and we cried our heart out. Dad still didn't acknowledge me. A knot in my stomach kept on tightening every time he gave me a blank stare.

I returned to my room. Seb was chatting on his phone. I picked up the clothes on his bed and hopped in. We exchanged a brief smile.

"Tell me about us."

"What about us?"

"Everything, Sebastian. I am eager to know myself. And you."
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Iris and Zoelle sipped off the remaining coffee. The cafe was small and crammed and sold amazing coffee. I wiped my face and placed my palms on my lap.

"You know what?"

"Hmm?" I looked up.

"A person never changes. I don't know what you are afraid of. I don't know why you think that you don't know yourself. What I truly know is that deep down, you're still the same."

I smiled feebly at Iris. My outfit was comfortable today. Some old tee, jeans and pair of old vans. My hair was pulled up in a neat ponytail.

"Spencer. We know you. And you can be what you were. The books, you have them all. The art, its in your blood. The music, I'll give the playlist. Pictures? We always have a backup. Memories? We make new memories each day." Zoelle spoke, hugging me.

"I hope it goes well. You think I should talk to them?"

"Who? Sasha?"

"And Gemma."

"Talk to them when we reach there." Iris said hanging her bag on her shoulders, packing her stuff for school.

The journey back to the school was comfortable. We talked about a TV show (which I am actually looking forward to watch.) The book Dad gave me was in my hands. I was confused about the letters, but soon it came up to me naturally. And its pretty interesting.

Should I talk to Simon?

Sebastian stood on the stop with a girl. He bent in an attractive gesture and pulled her cheeks, but backed off immediately as he saw me, hiding his red cheeks. Girlfriend? I mouthed. He shook his head and winked.

The corridors were filled with hurrying students. I pulled myself out of the washroom and headed to the class. Rachel was standing at the door. She eyed me, slightly shocked.

"New outfit? Looks like girl likes comfort."

"Yeah."

I looked at her and the amount of  contour she had applied. Her lashes were brimming with sticky mascara and her lips were tinted deep pink.

Did I look like this yesterday? Yuck.

I exclude myself from her company and hurry towards my friends. Maple was sitting ON the table, her legs rocking back and forth. In front of her was Harry, who was slouching on the chair, both his arms wrapped around Pansy and Sasha. Uwais was standing beside them, eating sandwiches. Sharon, was staring at Maple with a silent smile, which was noticed by her and was returned back.
 
"Hey." I said silently. Sharon was the only person who seemed pleased to see me.  My eyes fixed on Sasha's, who looked away immediately. Uwais walked away and maple waved her hand with a cold smile.

The stupid knot in my stomach.

Kiran came in with a fare bespectacled guy. He was sorta handsome. Their fingers were entwined and as soon as she stepped in, he gave her a small farewell kiss and walked away.

"Don't tell me she is going out with Arthur!" Harry said, his eyes popping out.

"She is. Apparently." Maple rolled her eyes.

I stood there awkwardly and tried to catch Sasha's attention. Her lip piercings shone brightly against her dimpled cheeks.

"Sasha?" She looked my way and gulped.

"Yeah."

My tear glands came into action and I blurred out the words.

"Please forgive me. I don't know what happened. I don't know why I did that. I can't...."

They all looked at me. A very creeped out looking Maple.  A concerned Sharon.  A confused Harry. Shocked Pansy. And a sighing Sasha.

Sasha looked down at the laces of her sneakers and blew out a huge amount of air through her nose.

I started walking away.
She will never forgive me.

Rachel tried to stop me and make me talk to her. And I practically shoved her aside. Distantly, I spotted Simon. He was staring at me. But nothing, nothing, inside me made me feel like talking to him. I felt no butterflies. Empty pit.

Suddenly I smashed into something big. Someone big. My face bouncing back his strong abdomen. He was nothing like Simon, nowhere near lanky. But super tall (like, double of me.) Eric Matthews looked down at me and he broke into a huge smile. So huge that his eyes practically shrunk into a thin lines from behind his optics and his sharp jaws softened a bit.

"Good morning, small one." He spoke in his soft and modest voice.

Fuck.

What was I saying about the butterflies, again?