heartcrossed

23.

KENDALL'S P.O.V.

I lay my eyes low on the table and carefully watch Ethan play with his food.

He's not hungry.

Neither am I.

Actually, I'm not anything right now. I litteraly do not feel anything else than anxiety. Everybody is chatting around the table to change the mood but I can't hear anything because I'm so lost in my thoughts. I force feed myself to make my mom happy, she doesn't need any more negativity because of this.

Ethan pushes his mashed potatoes back and fourth in the brown sauce until it's becoming almost a liquid. His eyes are empty just like my mind, and he seems so far away yet he's right beside me. I discretely extand my arm underneath the table and grab his hand softly.
He gently lifts his head up to give me a quick but sweet  glance. He looks down again but squeezes my hand harder like he never wants me to let it go.

I try to stuff food in my mouth but I can't seem to get it down. I push my plate away from me and lean back in my seat.

"Honey, you're not hungry?" Mom asks.

"Um, nah.. I hate so many donuts at The Bean this afternoon," I lie.

She nods and keep on talking with Lisa about Hunter's project to go study in Australia or I don't know what, and he seems really passionate about it. They all seem deep in the conversation so I take the opportunity to escape the dinning room. I make my way upstairs and rush to the storage room. I start digging through the boxes and the bins until I find my dark green suitcase in the extreme left corner underneath a whole bunch of stuff. I agressively pull it out and bring it in my room before opening it and throwing it on the ground. I open my wardrobe and rip some clothes from their hanger and then I stuff them into the suitcase. I make sure not to forget my drawers and pretty much just grab a handfull of what I need from it, and throw it into my luggage too.

I pull out another bag from my closet, but this one is smaller, and I stuff it with the things I'll need on the plane. I push both luggages close to my door and I let myself fall onto my bed from exaustion and emotion right after. I then hear the door slowly squeak and I prop myself up a little bit to see Ethan peeking through the opening.

"You okay..?" he asks.

I let my head fall back again. "Yeah, I guess.. What about you? Are you doing okay with all this?"

He gets in and shuts the door behind him.

"Yeah.. I mean, I have to. I see you're all packed up already," he responds while making his way to my bed. He motions his head towards the space beside me. "Do you mind?" he adds.

"No, no. I don't mind at all," I say and make some more space for him.

He gets in the bed and wraps himself into the blankets. I then pull myself up and do the same.

"You know E, it's okay to feel down about this whole situation. You shouldn't push your emotions away because they'll juste build up in the end and it'll eventually become to much for you to carry,"

He sighs."I know.. But I gotta, I need to stay strong for him, you understand? I can't let him down, it's all my fault,"

"Don't you dare say it's your fault because it's not. Grayson made a choice and now, he's living the consequences of his act, of his own choice. You warned him Ethan, so what he did after is none of your fault. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, but-"

"There's no but. You're not responsible of what he's going through right now. And I get it that you want to be strong and be there for him, but you are allowed to live your emotions too,"

He shifts uncomfortably in the sheets and his eyes start to get watery. I extand my arms and wrap them around him.

"It's gonna be okay E, you hear me?"

He begins to sob more. "I just.. I just don't know what to do anymore," he cries. "What if he never wakes up? What am I supposed to do without him, uh?"

He's now sobbing uncontrollably. I play with his hair while his head lays half on my shoulder, half in the crook of my neck.

"He's gonna wake up," I pause. "I promise."

SORRY GUYS OMG IT'S BEEN SUCH A WHIILLEEE

This is pretty short but deal with it. I had kind of lost my inspiration BUTTTT I'm back and I'll be uploading more often hopefully! This semester is almost over and I'm going on vacation so expect some more content in the upcoming weeks eh eh!!

BTW, I went to 4OU and it's was such a great time! Didn't get to meet the twins, but it was still an amazing day because the simple thought of being in the same room as them made me so happy.