Ashes [Jasper Hale] [2]

15 ; give me love

give me love like her

                 because lately I've been waking up alone.

☼

"So that's my stop."

I turned to look at my newly made friend. He was sitting still, hands clamped shut on top of his thighs, jeans contrasting against his pale skin. 

"Joseph," I spoke after a moment. "You know, we could go to La Push."

"La Push? The rez? It's raining, why would we go down there?" he wondered, probably used to the whole 'beach weather? To La Push we shall go' thing all of Forks kids were doing.

"My boyfriend and best friends are all there, they're all fun."

Joseph looked at me in interest, "are you sure it's okay if I'd come?"

"Sure, here." I fished out my phone, calling Sam. After a few moments he picked up.

"Ashley, what have I done that it requires calling?"

"A'right, Sam, that sounds suspicious. Who'd ya kill and hid the body of?" Sam released a small chuckle, waiting for an answer. "A'right, there's this guy, Joseph, and he's bummed, and doesn't wanna go home, so would any of you be bothered if he'd come with me?"

"Of course not. He could hang at Billy's or with Emily and Kim. We need to speak about some stuff, but we'll be free in about two hours. Bring Chinese, Jared finally won a bet against Jake."

"Okay, I know what all of you like," I nodded. "Thanks Sam."

►

Roughly four hours later, you couldn't tell that Joseph was new around. Everyone were wearing, strangely enough, shirts and pants, and no werewolf talks were allowed, but aside from that-- everything was absolutely the same.

Paul quickly took a liking in the teenager, and both Jared and Embry were too friendly to not be friendly with him. Kim was, per usual, polite around the boys, including the new addition. 

Everyone were weary about the Seth-situation. With the Cullens back, it was a matter of time until the process would end-- it had begun the day Harry died, we'd noticed. The pack was actually taking turns in watching him, and Jacob entered few minutes after Jared broke a raw egg on Embry's head. He whispered something in Sam's ear, making the Alpha nod.

Jacob was keeping an eye on Quil, and returned later than Jared has from watching Seth.

Joseph was having the time of his life, it seemed. He was laughing non-stop, spouting nonsense, and eating anything he could. His pale skin was flushed from laughter, and his cigarette pack was laid, forgotten, on the floor, next to his jacket, that slipped off.

I smiled to myself.

What was it about seeing people around you happy that made you happy too? Why was it, that every time I saw someone precious smiling and happy, a smile would spread over my lips as well, and make me content with my share, even for a short while?

I watched as Paul he ate messily, getting crumbs on anything in his radius, soy dripping from his nose. I bit my lip, not to silence my laughter like I would do until lately.

What Charlie said bothered me still. Was I using Paul?

Seeing Jasper shook my world out of balance, and his golden eyes haunted my dreams, and lately, my waking hours as well. I found myself, more often than not, wondering what should I do. Would I even still have a place in his heart after what I've said? And how could I tell Paul? And the Pack? They're the people closest to me, aside from Tyler. How could I look them in the eyes after turning my back on them?

It was easy.

Choosing Jasper would mean losing everything, so I mustn't. 

So why did it feel like not choosing Jasper was losing everything?

►

The day after, at lunch, Edward, Alice, Bella and Jasper sat at the old table that was announced long ago as the Cullens', and I watched them nonstop.

Edward kept glancing at me, and I knew he knew that I was watching. He also knew I knew he knew. Or something like that. But that didn't bother me in the slightest.

My relationship with Jasper was short lived. It was torturing to get to a point where we could call it a relationship, cruciating, with almost five months since we've met until we first kissed, and a few weeks between that kiss to the next one, that actually gave the relationship the head start it needed.

Even then, we had only about a month. Through the whole month, we hadn't kissed too much, or spent much time together. He'd often spend the night at my room, but he'd only come by after I fell asleep.

Our relationship wasn't too much, so why did it feel like it was the thing I needed to treasure most in my life?

I almost threw my barely eaten lunch at Edward once I realized he was watching me, probably reading my mind, and smirking happily.

I could only pray my glare would somehow kill that self-loving idiot.

He rolled his currently dark eyes, turning back to my sister.

My eyes turned back to Jasper, and I almost felt my breath getting knocked away. Men weren't meant to be as painfully beautiful as he was. His trimmed hair, despite how much I enjoyed his curls, was suiting him perfectly, and I wondered what made him look so hopeless, staring at the pizza on the white plate like it was the single most important thing in the existence.

Was it wrong that I wanted to stand up and tell him to never look so sad, because it hurts me? Was it being selfish?

I was known for being selfish, sacrificing my best friends' lives for my own. Just as I was about to delve into my own misery, the most beautiful pair of eyes turned to me.

Pitch black eyes, dark circles surrounding, contrasted against pale skin, meeting my own.

My will to stay seated was slowly crumbling, and just as I was about to stand up and walk over, a boy sat next to me, smiling happily.

"Ash, you going to the rez today? Jared told me I could come whenever, and I forgot my cigarettes there. Hey, it's super weird, but usually I smoke my first cigarette at eight a.m. or so, and I'm only now feeling like I hafta smoke."

"That's great, Joseph," I choked out, turning to the dark haired boy, not sure whether I was relieved or not for him distracting me. "Yeah, I'm going over for a bit after school."

"Cool, mind if I join then?"

"O' course not," I said with a smile I barely managed to splatter on. "See ya later?"

"Sure," and thus the bell rung, making me regain my sanity.

Why did I feel like I have to be with him when I saw him that sad?

heyo

i suck, i know. ya have the full right to kill me. but yo, Jo's there for a reason and he's having a girl sometimes soon ok yall? please forgive me