What Happened To My Little Lion?

Breaking Point

PHIL'S P.O.V

       I sat on couch, alone. My stomach hurt after last night and my eyes were red and dry from crying so much this morning. I refused to go to the hospital because...I didn't want to go back.

       Last night, Dan and I had sat on the kitchen floor together for an hour, comfortable in each other's presence. I was so close to him I could feel his breath against my face. His sobbing died down completely and we both went to bed, without saying a word. All we knew was that we needed each other tonight, for him to make sure I was here and for me to give me some comfort after what happened.

       Now, Dan asleep still in my room while I sat and thought. I had received a flood of e-mails and messages from those men, expressing their hate towards me and their joy at my suffering. This morning I also got a letter telling me that I should kill myself because it would save me and Dan the trouble of my existence. And now I sat, alone, at 6am, contemplating my life. Why was I still here? Was there any point?

       ....Not really...

DAN'S P.O.V

       I woke up at 6am but not to Phil's hair in my face. Instead I woke up to an empty bed. Even for Phil, before this all started, he never woke up until at least 9. I got up, rubbing my eyes, to go to the living-room where he was…probably.

PHIL'S P.O.V

       I stood, looking out the window, holding the knife in my hand. I was going to do it. Here, in my home, where my love, my secret love, was still asleep. My note was on the table for him to find, explaining how sorry I was and how I loved him but that I couldn't take it anymore It also said that I wanted him to be happy...that's all I ever wanted.

       Taking a deep breath I raised my arm, holding the knife to my neck. It was time. I was going to do this.

       "Phil....what are you doing?" A small voice behind me said.

       Shit. Dan was awake somehow, at 6-fucking-am.

       "Phil." He said again. "What are you holding?"

       I sighed, lowering my arm and revealing the knife to him. I heard him gasp and as I turned around I looked at him. His hair was still messy from his sleep but his eyes were full of alarm and a single hand raised and covering his mouth.

       "Dan...I'm sorry. I can't..."

       "No. No you can't...Oh God you were going to..." His voice was loud, full of panic.

       "Yes, okay. Yes I was!" I started shouting. I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't pretend. "You know why? Because I can't do this Dan. I can't fucking do this!"

       "But Phil...you seemed to be getting better....Are you telling me that that meant nothing?!"

       "YES! Okay, I ate but I always threw it up. I stopped cutting but I HATED it. And now, I'm ending it because you know what?! FUCK THIS. OKAY?!" I screamed at him, releasing my anger not toward him but toward the world.

       "PHIL!" He shouted back. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS."

       "WATCH ME!" I raised the knife quickly to my neck again.

       "NO!!!" He reached forward and took a step but I raised my other hand, stopping him from coming any closer.

       "You should have stayed asleep...it would have been easier."

       "Easier?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! YOU THINK IT WOULD BE EASY SEEING MY BEST FRIEND DEAD ON THE FLOOR?!" He started crying. Damnit if he had just stayed asleep...

       "It would have been better for both of us! DAN I'M WRONG. I'M SICK IN MY HEAD AND I'M TIRED OF EVERYTHING! I'M SO WRONG AND THE FACT IS THAT I SHOULD BE DEAD!! I'M A FUCKING FREAK."

       "You are wrong! Because you're not a FREAK! You're PERFECT Phil!! Why can't you see that?!"

       "If I was perfect then how come everyone I love nearly comes to harm or hates me?!"

       "Well what about me?! I'm not hurt am I? I don't hate you!"

       "THOSE MEN WHO ATTACKED ME WERE GOING TO KILL YOU IF I DIDN'T TURN UP!"

       Dan went silent. I knew I shouldn't of said anything but I had to go and open my mouth...

       "See?! I can't even keep my mouth shut....Dan I can't…"

       "Phil please..."

       "NO. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" I closed my eyes, preparing to push the knife into my neck. I didn't want Dan to see but I had to. Now.

       "BUT PHIL I LOVE YOU!"

DAN'S P.O.V

       He was about to plunge the knife into his throat but when I shouted out he stopped and opening his eyes very slowly.

       "No...No you can't. I'm...wrong. Nobody can love me."

       "Well you're wrong Phil. Because I love you okay?! I've loved you for so long and I didn't realize until you went to hospital." I started moving towards him. "Phil please...I need you." I was crying and I didn't sound clear but he had to know. "I NEED you Phil. I love you and I need you. I can't...I can't live without you in my life. So please..." I was right in front of him now. "Please just give me the knife...please...don't do this..."

       Phil was hesitant and didn't give in for a second, which made me scared he was going to do it there and then, but eventually he lowered the knife, allowing me to take it and toss it away from us. I let out a sigh of relief and hugged him, sobbing into his shoulder.

       "Thank you...Phil thank you."

       "Dan I'm sorry...I'm sorry…" Phil silently cried as I pulled away and looked at him, placing my hands on his face.

       "Phil...Please. Don't ever do that again."

       "Dan...I'm not perfect...but there is someone else who is. YOU. You're perfect Dan."

       "No...Phil...Shut up…I'm anything but perfect okay? But you...you're beautiful…smart...funny...You're...everything...You're everything to me." Phil looked into my eyes, letting me gaze into those beautiful blue oceans of his. He was still crying but less so now. "And please...stop saying sorry...I'm just glad you're safe. I'm glad I stopped you." I rested my forehead on his, closing my eyes.

       "Dan...I..." I could hear Phil gulping and then something wonderful happened.

       He kissed me.

       He kissed me and his kiss spoke a thousand words of happiness and joy that he couldn't express. Not now. I kissed back, smiling, joyful that this was finally happening. We stayed there for a moment, kissing, before he pulled away to catch his breath. I looked at him and wiped his tears away as he opened his eyes. And when I looked into them I saw it. The sparkle in his eye that he always had before. It was coming back.

       "Dan...I love you. I love you so much."

       "I love you too Phil…really and truly."