All I Want Is Happiness (DanisnotonfireXreaderXPhil)

(18)

*Phil's pov*
Time stopped, the world stopped, and Dan seemed to as well.
He fell on the floor, crushed by what seemed to be anxiety, but I can't read his mind.
Everyone looked behind, to see who the objector was.
Whoever they were, they were gone. But now, so was Dan.
*Y/n's pov*
Where is he? Why did he leave? I need him. Who objected?
I will get them.
I don't know why I feel like this....
HE'S GONE THAT'S WHY!
I want to break down crying, I want to scream his name, call for him, say I love him and him whisper I love you back! But I can't! He didn't just run away! He fainted! Who took him?! Who would take him?!
WHY DID THEY TAKE HIM?!
I miss him... I will have him.
I ran out of the chapel, to go to my house, I need to recover from this madness, then i will start looking for Dan.
(Time skip to when you are at your house)
I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE
I have been throwing stuff around, getting angrier by the second, screaming, crying, self harming.
I don't know how much of this I can take...
(Time skip to 11:30 pm)
I feel different..... I feel.... whole.... and empty.... at the same time.
I am angered, I am sad, I am lonely, and I have company...
I am accompanied by myself.
People have told me I've lost it...
My response is always the same... Everything is right here...
My bed, my clothes, my heart...
I've never felt more alive  than I do now...
They all tell me I'm crazy after I say that....
I tell them...
You're next....
I never seem to hear from them again...
All I hear are faint screams...
And I get a new blood stain on my knife...
Tell me...
Why does that happen? And when? I never get to see it... what does it look like? I seem to be asleep every time it happens... I only have visions...
Hearing their screams and feeling new blood appear on my hands... then once I wake up... it's on my knife.
I never meant to hurt anybody...
Did you know that?
Not them...
Not you...
Only him...
I can't even remember if I did it...
I guess only the memories of their screams will rest in the back of my brain...
While the blood will rest on the end of my knife...
I promise... I didn't mean to kill them...
Maybe I wanted to....
Just
A
Little....
)Dan's pov(
It was dark, I felt cold, I felt anxious.
I tried to grab for Y/n's hand, nothing.
Just cold, sharp air, jabbing at my throat.
It felt like winter all over again, but not the good kind, the kind that felt like a knife, or a piece of glass.
Not many know such feeling.
Sharp glass, a knife, sliding down your throat, cutting up your insides, making you bleed, all the blood drains out of you into a puddle under your feet, seeing your existence flash before your eyes, and it telling you
you failed.
And the funny thing about that is, you know you failed
But you're to much of a wimp to admit it.
To much of the baby you've always been to give up.
To finally end it all.
You know it hurts, but you can't tell anybody.
Can't tell them how much it kills you inside
And how much you want it to kill you on the outside
But you can't let anyone know otherwise.
I don't know how or why this sudden rush of depression seemed to rush over me, but it didn't seem to disappear like all the other washes of anxiety...
It stayed
and its still here
There is only one way to get rid of this depression and anxiety. One way to get it to leave, once and for all.
I hope they know I'm sorry.
I can't deal with this anymore.
I must go...
I'm sorry I left you...
I'm also sorry to be known as your disappointment of a husband....
And you're disappointment of a friend.
Now you won't have to deal with me...
I love you all...