Redamancy | Yoonmin.

Y O O N G I.

I guess it all started when he was the first out of the other six to see me so vulnerable.

It seems that other than Taehyung, I keep waking up a lot later than everybody else. It's not that I'm staying up until the crack of dawn because I can't sleep - I don't do that anymore. I don't find comfort in anything else but sleeping. Lately, it felt like everything was closing in on me and my thoughts were eating me up. I was desperately reaching my hand out for help but he just wouldn't take it, leaving my hand cold and alone.

Sighing out through my nose, I sat up and pushed my fingers through my hair. My ears tuned in to listening to the conversation that seemed to be taking place in the kitchen.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, really. I just saw my family not too long ago and I don't think they have anything going on," Jimin said.

"You could work on your acting skills," Jungkook suggested but I knew it was a joke. I couldn't see them but Jimin probably gave him an unpleasant face or maybe even swatted his arm. I pushed the blanket that I had tangled around me off and stood up, hearing my muscles and bones scream inside me but I chose not to listen to them.

When I entered the kitchen, Jungkook was paying too much attention to his phone, and I hadn't even noticed that Namjoon and Jin were at the table writing something together on what looked like to be a napkin. "We have paper, you know," I mutter as I pass them but Namjoon only looked at me and then returned to his business. Taehyung was still in bed last I knew so that only left Hoseok who was probably in the bathroom. Jimin was at the fridge which allowed me to walk up behind him and mumble quietly into his ear, "I know you just saw your family so if you want, you can come home with me." Jimin turned his head towards my voice but I moved away quick enough and out of the kitchen before he could even respond.

Being allowed to go home and see our families for a couple days is somewhat exciting because I'll be able to sleep peacefully,  but there isn't much to do there. I live in the middle of nowhere so there isn't anything to keep me busy except human interaction and everybody should know by now that I'm not very fond of that. Jimin would probably be the only one I  would let inside the door of my family home.

After finally being able to use the shower (screw you, Hoseok) and dressed, I sat at the table with Namjoon and Jin since it seemed everybody else was doing their own thing at this point. Taehyung had finally risen from the dead and gotten in the shower -- which he'll probably fall asleep in there too. However, something I did not expect was Jimin walking over, pulling the chair out beside me, and sitting right in it. I noticed he changed clothes. Black jeans and a grey sweatshirt that had drawstrings that I wanted to reach out and play with. My eyes met his as I sat back and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for him to say the first word. There were a few beats of silence since he flicked his gaze over to the other two, but he eventually took in a deep breath and looked over at me again. "So, I get to see Holly?" he asked, which meant that he was planning on coming to my house over the break. I tried so hard not to crack my face with a smile to the point my lips twitched.

"Yeah, you do.. That dang dog," I said with a chuckle, shaking my head and looking down at my lap. I couldn't risk making eye contact with him just in case he could observe the excitement written all over my face. As I looked up, I saw Jungkook sit beside Jimin and snake his arm around his shoulders. I pursed my lips and looked away so it seemed like I wasn't particularly paying attention or noticing what was unfolding in front of me. "Why do you look so pale?" Jungkook asked, and I didn't even notice he was talking to me until I looked over and he was staring at me. I furrowed my brows and then replied, "Why are you such an idiot?"

He only laughed and then focused his attention on Jimin again when he swatted my leg and told me to "be nice". Jungkook mocked him and it only made my jaw harden. I wanted to get up right then and leave - leave forever so they could be happy in peace. But that would be obvious and I'm not one to overreact in these situations. I don't know why I felt like this.

"When are you going to stop copying me?" Jimin asked, pretending to throw a punch at his face but purposely missing. "When is Yoongi going to stop acting like he doesn't care?" Namjoon chimed in, making me crank my head in his direction. They all chuckled under their breath, but the one that stood out to me was Jimin. I blinked a few times from the feeling of my heart becoming heavy, but returned my attention back to my left. "Namjoon, stop destroying everything before you come after me like that," I blurted out, but was too distracted by watching Jungkook get up and leave with a sly smirk on his face to hear what Namjoon said back.

Jimin turned to me but I didn't look back at him. I just couldn't. He went to go set his hand on my shoulder but I shied away, acting like I was just changing my sitting position in the chair. "So, what are we go -,"

"I don't have time for you," I said.

"What?"

"I don't have time for you," I repeated in a more forceful tone. I saw his smile disappear in the corner of my eye and even witnessing that seemed to throw a punch at my chest.

"I.. Okay. Fine. I'll spend break with Jungkook, then." Fuck. Ouch.

"I'll have Hoseok come over," I mumbled as I got up from the chair and stuffed my hands in my pockets, leaving him to sit there by himself.

I wouldn't ask Hoseok to come over. I wouldn't ask anybody to come over.

I only wanted him.