Embracing The Moon

Chapter 8

            There was a peace that I hadn’t felt in a while, an easiness that we had always strived to achieve but had missed by a hair. We knew that we needed to talk about him and now that I knew that it was bothering Caine, it bothered me.

 “Will you knock it off!” I shouted as Caine once again stuck a finger into the cookie batter that was still in the mixing bowl. “That’s so disgusting.” I groaned as he stuck his batter covered figure into his mouth.

It had been a week since the subject of Abel had come up and now he seemed to be a constant track in the back of my mind. There was too much to say on the subject of our dear brother, too much water under the broken bridge.

“They’re for me anyways.” Caine shrugged and took the spoon full of batter with a look of pure happiness.

“I might want one. What happens if we have guests?” I put my hand on my hip, “Nobody is going to want one when they know that you’ve been sticking your dirty fingers in it.” I ignored Caine as I began to divvy it out onto the sheet.

Carefully leaving out a large portion to freeze so he could eat it later.

“Who would visit us? It’s the middle of summer on a school campus.” I gave him a sour look, “Besides, you hate cookies.” He stuck his tongue out before grinning at me.

“That’s beside the point though, it’s the theory of the matter.” I sent him one more death glare before placing the pan in the oven to bake. “You’re just being an ass.”

The grey sky glared at me as it threatened to pour but I it didn’t deter me from going out and running, I needed to see the endless amount of trees and just be lost in its glory. I had found myself staring out into the vast green and just feel the peacefulness of the moment.

“You’re doing it again.” Caine spoke up from behind me but I didn’t turn.

“He’s out there somewhere, you know?” I narrowed my eyes and stared gazing into the place that had begun to haunt me. Caine didn’t know how to react at my acknowledgment of the subject of Abel, we didn’t mention him. It had become a silent rule in this family and I hated the fact that this tore us apart to much the past was the past.

I just wish I could get over it.

“He use to carry you around the woods all the time when you were younger,” I could feel him behind me and I felt the love and support he offered but I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

I waited until the cookies were done to take them out and I felt suffocated with Caine waiting at the edges wanting to finally talk about the elephant in the room. He was waiting for the moment that we could finally talk about the AWAHL unit in our small family.

While Caine was distracted trying to eat the hot goodies, I slipped on my shoes and snuck outside and began running. I stopped at the section of woods that touched our green grass and looked back at the house that had quickly became home.

I didn’t see Caine and I began running. Ignoring the darkening sky, I ran just needing to be lost for a moment.

It had been too long since my last run and I was aching for the physical exertion and the trees to just keep passing me. I needed something that was going to last, I knew that Caine was going to get sick of me too and leave. There was just no way that he could stay when the rest of our family had left us.

When it started to rain I was lost in the thickest part of woods, I couldn’t see anything but trees and bushes. I stopped in the middle of the woods and just looked. Looked for a sign, I just needed to know that everything was going to be okay but the woods stayed silent and the rain kept steadily falling until I was drenched and cold.

“Cecilia,” I heard a soft voice prod.

I couldn’t turn to look at him just yet and I let my head fall back to stare at the grey clouds that seemed to cry for me. Guilt and misery ate at me, I hadn’t wanted Caine to see me like this. He had done so much for me and all I could do was take it one step at a time but hit bottom again when the tender subject of Abel came up. Caine had never seen how much it affected me.  

“I just need a minute,” I kept the emotion of my voice, not wanting it to tremble like I felt deep inside. “I just need to get the shit in my head straightened out.” I sighed and closed my eyes as I just felt the rain hit my face.

“It’s okay to cry.” Caine spoke quietly and I felt him come closer.

“I’m not crying,” I breathed deeply before turning my unnatural eyes on him. “I’m just a little confused right now, I’m not in the right sorts at the moment.” I met the eyes that they shared and I saw the deep turmoil in them, like he couldn’t quite understand me.

“It’s okay to miss him.” Caine frowned as he tried to reassure me.

“I can’t miss someone who just walked away from you, it goes against everything in me.” I gritted my teeth, “You’re what matters the most to me, Caine. It us against them now.” I kept his eyes determinedly as I gripped his hand in mine and held it them in the air between us.

“It’s just us now.” I felt the rightness of the moment, “that’s all that matters.” I gripped his large hand tighter.

He released himself from my grip and pulled me under his arm and held on around my shoulder, slightly hugging me. “Let’s get you home before you catch your death.” Caine began walking me back in the rain and we walked in silence.