lost||ed

chapter 5

**note: ' means a thought, " means someone's saying that
(after emilie left)
grayson's pov-

'shit, shit, SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!' "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? I'M OVER" i punch my granite counter top, not caring that my hand's probably broken now. i go find ethan. he's in the basement. "YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU FUCKING DID THIS. U-U DID THIS. U DID ALL OF THIS." i yell through my teeth, trying to contain my anger.
_
ethan's pov-

"WTF BRO??!!???" i punch him, "U MESSED THIS UP, U LET HER IN, U LET HER SEE, NOT ME. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!! HUH!?" i'm now punching him nonstop.
"s-sstop... please." i stop, almost as a reflex. i would know that voice from anywhere.
"g-gabby? w-why are y-you here? i never h-heard you come in." i look down. oh my god my hands are so bloody and messed up. what have i done????
_
gabby's pov-

i rush over to grayson and help him get "fixed up" (lmao i feel like a grandma saying that). wow, ethan got him good. he's hurt pretty bad. at least a broken nose.
i walk out of the bathroom once i'm done helping grayson. "w-what happened?" i stutter, afraid of what he might say. i can tell he can sense there's anger, sadness, and exhaustion in my voice.
"i-i..." he looks down and sighs. "someone found out... a-about.." he didn't even have to finish his sentence. i knew exactly what he was talking about. there's a long pause.
"......h-how??? how did this h-happen?" is all I mange to get out. i can feel my eyes threatening to release tears. i have a quick flash back to that moment while i fall to my hands and knees. 'you can't break down. not now. everything is at steak. stop it....stop.' suddenly i'm spinning, spinning, spinning nonstop, struggling to catch my breath, 1.. in 2.. out 3...
"Gabby? Gabby??! GABBY??!! WHAT'S WRONG, TALK TO ME??!" i'm on the floor flailing like a ballon loosing air. (LMAO, THAT WAS WEIRD TO WRITE AHAHAHHA)
"a-a...." 'AXIETY ATTACK, AXIETY ATTACK' but nothing comes out. i finally mange to whisper a quick, "help me." but i doubt he heard anything. and that's it. when everything goes black.
~
"mmmhh.." i wake up, stretching my arms and yawning. hm, i must've had a good sleep. wait.. everything's white, where am i? a hospital ???? wtf why am i here?? what the hell happened?? before my thoughts continue ethan bursts through the door and the memories of last night flood into my brain. oh....
"jesus, thank god you're ok, we were so worried..." everything's silent for a minute as we make eye contact.
"yeah, thanks." i sigh before breaking it and looking down, "but don't we have more important issues to worry about?"
silence. pure silence for what seemed like forever. if a pin dropped you'd be able to hear it.
I look up at the clock. tick, tock.. tick, tock.... i can feel the tension raising. his eyes are staring deep into my sole and i can't take it anymore. he hasn't stopped starring at me and I'm not sure if it's because he still loves me, or is curious as to what I'm thinking. he could always read me. and just by my facial expression. i miss him. i miss us.
"goodbye ethan." i look away, feeling the hot tears come down my cheeks one, by one. i don't feel like talking rn or at all.
"bye gabs," he says in a whisper while shutting the door.
the tears start coming out faster, and faster until my vision gets blurry. 'why did this have to happen to me? how did this even start?? i'm so confused, let alone beyond lonely. i feel so bad. why did i do this? to them, to myself?'
~
Ethan's pov-

I can't believe what just happened. I'm lying on my bed, just staring at the ceiling. 'what am I-no we supposed to do about this? I don't understand. what happened? to me? to... to us? do i still love her? does she still love me? (he's referring to gabby btw) I can't believe it. any of it. it's over. I'm over. we're over.' (by "we're" he's talking about gabby and himself, but also Grayson and himself. I know, it's complicated lol.)

FLASHBACK: one year ago :))
Ethan's pov (still)-
"bye babe, ily" I gave my babygirl a kiss before I left her car. while I was walking up I noticed my door was open. gabs noticed too and exited her car to join me. "gabs, go back in the car. I don't want u getting hurt. I love you, and if something should happen.. I would never forgive myself."
"shhhhhh, don't worry baby I'll be fine." she said, while giving me a slight smile while squeezing my hand.
"ok, fine. but stay behind me at all times." I said this bc I knew her, and I knew she wouldn't listen to me no matter what I said. she's so stubborn sometimes. smh
I entered the house, and immediately saw blood. LOTS AND LOTS OF BLOOD. EVERYWHERE. u name it, and it was on it. the island, couch, carpet, cabinets... 'oh my god. where is my family??? are they ok???? what happened????' a million questions were going through my head every second. 'help. help. help. help. this can't be happening, this can't be happening. oh my god. help. help. help me....'
I ran up the stairs at lightening speed just to find Grayson sobbing on the ground. with a TON of blood on him and a knife in front of him. "Grayson. Grayson. GRAYSON? GRAYSON ??!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHERE'S MOM AND DAD??? WHERE'S CAMERON????" I'm pretty sure I woke the whole neighborhood I was so loud. gabby was now crying, too while i shook grayson. i'm honestly surprised he didn't end up getting whiplash.
"I-I... I d-don't know, ethan. I...." there was a long pause. "I j-just lost control. help. h-help me. please, Ethan. please......." he looked me dead in the eye. "I c-can't do this anymore. I'm done. i'm done living." he put his head in his hands, balling his eyes out. that's when I knew exactly what happened. i had no sympathy for him. none. his eyes said it all. he got really angry for god only knows why. then killed mom. dad. and cameron. he put them in the room downstairs. he couldn't look at them, he couldn't stand it. the guilt, of coarse. just like he couldn't stand them. so he killed them, just like he killed himself.. on the inside. he was always dead inside though, until now. now he's alive. now he knows what it feels like. to feel guilty or to feel anything. anything at all.. I'm going to make him pay. i'm going to force him to live. even if it kills me, first.
_
END OF FLASHBACK :)) btw I know bodies rot overtime, but just pretend they were still there in the room when emilie saw them. but they were unrecognizable, so she didn't know who they were or if they were related to the Dolan twins. but she can assume things 😏
_
Ethan's pov (STILL, I know again)-

I remember gabby and I never really never broke up after that. we just never talked, or communicated. well of coarse until yesterday. she's the only other person who knows. the police never found out. my parents quit their jobs before they died, and I guess they were planning on ending it themselves before anything happened. cameron on the other hand had no friends. we were a really unhappy family as it was. but I mean.. it is-was what it was. no one missed them. no one called the police. and no one cared.

||*PLEASE READ* hey guys!! pls vote if u want me to keep updating 😝 anyway, you guys found out a lot in this long ass chapter!! 1409 words :)) lmk if u like the story!!!!! ok i will be updating at least once a week unless i say otherwise ☺ and pls read any of my non-chapter updates bc they will explain important things either about the book or updates. i will try and keep them short though bc i hate reading those thingys too!!! don't worry, i gotcha ;) bye!
10/23/2016 🌸