Unconditional (Sequel to Senior Year - jb)

12. A Step Back

READ THIS FIRST!!!

so I changed last chapters's Chad to Jesse becuz i just remembered abbie's boyfriend was Chad so i cant have two chads in the same story. it confuses people XD

now back to the story...

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I sat on the kitchen counter, my face burried in my hands. It was completely silent. Only the quiet sounds from a distant highway echoed in the large kitchen. No lights were turned on. It was just me and the darkness. And somehow I related to this feeling. This feeling when you have nothing around you when in reality you have the whole world spinning around in your mind.

I had just managed to help Laura to go into her bedroom and make her fall onto her bed safely. She drifted away into a peaceful sleep immediately but it had now been two hours since the last time I saw her. Two hours I had been sitting alone in the kitchen, my phone next to me.

I thought about what Jesse said. Before I met him, I wasn't too worried but now, I felt so anxious. I shouldn't have listened to him. He was just a guy whose girlfriend had just cheated on him. He was being paranoid and made me feel the same way. But at the same time I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to show him everything was fine by calling Justin. Yet he didn't even answer.

So now I was in a tricky place, trying to connect with my feelings and not have thousands of thoughts running around in my head.

I grabbed my phone, not caring about the time difference in here and Hawaii, I dialed Justin's number and pressed the cold device against my ear, just like I had done a couple of hours ago. But now I just wished things were going to be different.

Just like before, it beeped and beeped and beeped.

But when I finally heard little cracking noises, indicating that he finally answered, I sat up straight, gasping quietly.

"Hello?" his voice triggered the tears to come out from my eyes.

"Justin." I whispered, "Were you sleeping?"

I tried to sound as normal as possible. I didn't want to stress him out only because I was stressed out.

"No! No. Just- Just working. What's up?" he chuckled quietly.

"Okay. I just wanted to call you, to hear your voice." I sighed, trying to get the best out of this conversation with him.

"Isn't it... four in the morning there?" he sounded puzzled.

"Yeah I couldn't sleep."

Suddenly I started hearing talking in the background where Justin was. The talking got louder and louder but I just couldn't figure out who it was.

"Uhh- I'm so sorry, babe, but I really need to go. I'll send some guitar riffs to listen so you can get some sleep, okay?" his talking was frantic.

I bit my lowerlip hard in disappointment.

"Sure. Bye, Justin." I said in a quiet voice.

"Bye." and then he hung up.

"No..." I whined and burst into desolating tears.

My phone slipped from my hand and luckily landed on the kitchen counter.

Something was going in the wrong direction, I could feel it. I knew it so well it was a mistake to let Justin go to that vacation. But I had no choice. I didn't want him to be whipped but he just didn't get it. He didn't understand what this felt like to me. I've loved him since I was fifteen years old. I've never even thought about another guy. Even those years when I didn't have him, I only focused on school and let the party goers do their thing. I always gave Justin my full on attention but what was I doing wrong then?