“I missed you, hell Trick, I would try not to. I would push it into the back of my head. I would try not to think of you or anything about you, but it always came back. I just kept on. I missed missing you. I couldn’t go a day without thinking of you or mentioning you. I realize how much I’ve fucked up, I’m here now and I hope that is enough”
I am still, unmoving, unblinking. I just stare back at him and then I feel his lips on mine and I snap.
I push him away roughly. “Why!?” I yell.
He just stares back like he is awaiting a punishment.
“You left me! You broke my heart! I wanted to die when you left, and I almost fucking did you ass!”
He isn’t saying anything.
I break down, and I feel the tears come crashing down.
“I loved you! I thought you loved me! I thought you needed me, but then you just threw it all away, everything. You threw everything away!”
I just start to sob violently sitting on the floor slamming my hands into the concrete ground until they start to bleed from the blunt force trauma.
He sits down with me holding my bloody hands to keep me from hurting myself anymore. He wraps himself around me and I feel his warmth engulf me.
“Shush, it’s okay beautiful, I’m here now and oh God I am so sorry. I am so sorry I hurt you.” He whispers, but I am still crying, crying so much it hurts my chest.
“It’s okay, shush, little angel. It’s okay.” I relax into him, and stop crying now, only gasping a little for air.
He helps me up. He just looks at me, and smiles softly. I can see in his eyes that he can see how broken I really am.
“Come out to dinner with me.”
I look at him, a burst of happiness goes off in my brain.
“Okay… I forgive you by the way. I shouldn’t have acted like that” I look down at my battered up hands still shaking from pain.
“No I deserved that, I was an ass to you. I’m glad you forgive me.”
I gulp down the last of my drink, and I see a little shock in his eyes.
“When did you start drinking so avidly?” he asks.
“Oh about 2 years ago” I see the pained look on his face when he realized that he was my trigger. That our break up was the reasoning behind me drinking my pain away.
I undress quickly, and I can feel him admiring my new body, thin and toned.
“You look so amazing” he purrs.
“Thanks” I smile and throw on my button up and tailored jeans.
“Looking classy as ever.” He smiles down at me, and reaches for my hands. He doesn’t say a word but he takes out the first aid hanging from the wall in the dressing room and uses the supplies to wrap up my mashed up hands.
“Looks like you will struggle with playing guitar but not enough to cancel your shows” he said softly.
I can’t believe he is here with me now, holding my hands in his. Granted I’m still a little upset inside, but honestly it’s mostly just pent up anger. I feel like if this is his way of starting again, starting up fresh, then he is doing a damn good job. So we walk on out, no one seems to notice us, or care even. We get up to his same old ratty car and I get in the album playing is one of ours. Take This to Your Grave to be exact. I can’t help but smile that he likes to listen to my voice in the car. He has always loved my voice, loved it so much it’s on the bridge to obsession.
“I love how young you sound here” he said “reminds me of when I first met you… and how much your voice has developed since you first sang for me in my garage remember?’
I laugh and think back to the time when I auditioned for him, I wanted to be a drummer, but he really wanted to see if I could sing, so I did and he loved it so much I was accepted on the spot. I was a little unsure and reluctant because I had no intention of singing in a band, but he seemed so happy to have me, I couldn’t say no. By far not saying no was the best decision of my life. Being a singer changed me for the better and I love it, all thanks to him.
As we are driving I can tell that at this time of night not a lot of places are open at all. Pete seems a little frustrated just because I can tell he wanted to spend time with me tonight.
“How about we just go back to my hotel room? There is always room service.” I casually say, it is a good idea, and gives me a chance to head back and booze up a little now that my buzz is gone.
“Well if that’s okay” he seems uncomfortable, like he doesn’t want to intrude on me.
“Of course” I smile and for the first time in a long time I feel like my smile is honest and true.
When we get to the hotel room, we eat and laugh and joke, and I drink. We watch a little TV but other than that it’s just me and him sharing the past two years of our lives with one another.
The silence creeps in slowly till we are just looking at each other with no words. We exchange a few kisses, until Pete decides to speak again.
“So… I was thinking…would you want to get the band back together” He pauses but then continues on before I can speak.
“I know you have your solo thing, and you don’t have to stop that. I just think we all need it, we all miss it. I talked to Joe and Andy and they both miss the band. I have written so much too! I bet you too have written stuff that doesn’t fit in with your solo stuff, am I right?” He talks so fast it takes a moment for it all to sink in.
“Yeah, I have… written stuff that is too much Fall Out Boy not enough Soul Punk” I think for a minute and I can see in his eyes that he is practically crossing his fingers.
“Yeah, okay, we can do this… We can just play around with lyrics and music before making a studio commitment. What do you think?”
“Oh God yes!” He smiles his big silly smile and kisses me hard and roughly.
The kiss escalates into a make out session which leads to the bed.
