Is It Over Yet?

2

at the end of the day I felt relieved. I looked around and he left before me. I stood up and calmly walked back to the roof. I got to the door and saw the rain pouring. I started to make my way to the edge but before I could get there a voice yelled "hey!" I wasn't going to let him stop me.

This is gospel for the chosen ones locked away in a permanent slumber...

Not again.

I need to be free. I started to run. I was almost at the edge when I felt myself drop to the ground. With a spin I was in his arms. I tried to get away but he wouldn't let go. I gave up and tears poured from my eyes, The rain soaked my clothes. Why can't I die. Why won't anyone let me die.

If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go...

He pulled me to my feet and looked me in the eyes before pulling me down the stairs, through the empty school and to his car. I got in with no hesitation, at least it wasn't my so called 'home'.

He drove for what felt like hours in a compfortable silenceuntil I finally broke it with my loud thoughts "Why were you on the roof".
"Miss sent me to find you and someone said that's where you hang out"
"No. I mean after school"
"I knew you'd go back and try again. Ash I won't let you die"
"Can't stop me" I muttered the last thing quietly and the silence refilled the car.

This is the best of my heart
This is the beat of my heart

Finally We got to a small house on a long road. He got out of the car and pulled me into his house, I was shivering from the cold water on my clothes, he sat me down on his bed and without a word walked out.

2 minutes later he came back with some black leggins and a t shirt. I can't wear those, he'll see the bruises. He handed me the clothes and pulled a fake smile before he finally broke the silence "they're my sisters, she stays here sometimes, that's all I can find. There's a jumper over here. I'll be back in 2 minutes" he walked out and shut the door to.

I quickly changed but before I put on the jumper he came in. I shoved my arms behind my back and he gave me a strange look. He knelt down infront of me and gently pulled my arms out infront of me. His face filled with shock and I snapped them back, I threw on his jumper and made my way to the door but he stopped me.

We sat on his bed and I stared down at the floor. I felt my world freeze for a moment. Finally He looked me in the eyes and said "what's going on Ash? Ashley. i can help you". I couldnt speak properly but i stuttered out "i i ccant do tthis anymore. Yyou should hhave left mme there". He looked sad. He said
"no way. Im not letting you kill yourself".
I muttered the words "try and stop me". I didn't mean for him to hear but he said
"is something going on". I can't take it anymore. I got angry and shouted
"why do you care. Your David Lockwood, you get all the girls. Your on the football team. You have so many people who love you. you are one of the most popular boys in school and me. Well I'm the opposite. You have so many friends and I have none just let me do what I want! let me f***ing die for God's sake".

I jumped up with anger running through my veins. I ran through the door, out of his house and down the road. I dont know what came over me, i know hes just trying to help but i dont want it. I want everything to be over. I want to be free. I want to die.

I got to my house and when I walked in my mum was waiting at the door. She gave me a sad/fake smile. I know what this means, dad's home.I panicked, I need to hide, I need to get inside my room and lock the door, I started to calmly walk up the stairs so he didn't notice me but it didn't work, all of a sudden i felt a hand pull my hair and he dragged me back down.

Coz these words are knives enough to leave scars. Truth be told i never want scars...

He threw me to the floor and hit me, he hit me in my stomach and he hit me in my chest. I felt a sudden pain on my face and then he stopped and muttered
"You should be more careful on the stairs it's super easy to fall". He walked back into the living room and sat on the couch with his bottle of whiskey. I lay there frozen for a second whilst my mother stared at me with sad eyes. I dont know why i couldn't move, maybe it was because she was watching me. My mother followed my father back to the living room and he put a tight grip around her with one arm. I stumbled to the door and as I opened It I saw David stood there about to knock, he looked nervous, I quickly stood myself straight and tried to ignore the pain.

The fear the fear of falling apart...

I stumbled out of the door and shut it behind me. David stepped forwards and guided me to his car, I sat in the passengers seat and he sat next to me "I slipped on the stairs" I muttered. He begun to drive.

When we got to his house i walked behind him, into his house sat by him on his couch. He looked at me and said "your stomach?" I looked down and saw the blood seeping through the blue jumper. I crossed my arms to cover it and quickly said "oh it's nothing, I must 've banged it when I fell". I looked down at the floor and pretended I wasn't lieng.

My stomach hurt and my head was spinning but i felt safe enough, I hugged David and apologised for running out earlier. He hugged me back and reassured me that I hadn't done anything wrong.

The fear. The fear of falling apart...

We stood there for a minute then he pulled back and said "Ashley tell me what's going on. I can help you"
I shook my head and said
"I'm a mess David I'm a real f**cking mess ".
"No your not"
"I am, I'm just good at hiding myself from the rest of the world. From everything."
"I'll help you"
"You can't help me david"
"I can fix this for you. You need to tell me what's going on first though"
"I cant"
"Ashley..."
"I cant"
"Why?"
I stayed silent
"Ashley. What are you so afraid of"
I don't know what happened but I felt a sudden anger towards him and I hadn't realised but I started to shout
"leave me alone David. I'm fine. I need to go home" I lifted myself up off of his couch and stumbled to the door. David quickly walked over to me and said "come on. I'll drive you".

Don't try to sleep through The end of The world and bury me alive. Coz I won't give up without a fight...

The drive back was silent other than the radio playing a song i love...

and I was terrified. Maybe i don't want to go home. Maybe I can run. Maybe i tell him. Maybe i should. Maybe when I get there he'll already be passed from the drink. I hope he's passed out.

Before I knew it we were outside my house, I got out and walked to the door. As I opened the door I heard David's car drive off, as I pushed open the door I felt him grab me by my hair and drag me inside. I panicked and pushed him off of me, I ran to my room and locked the door.

The fear the fear of falling apart...