The Split

Chapter 6

A/N: I'll update today instead of Saturday, since i'm working on Sunday and need to wake up early boo :(

Chapter 6

I am a horrible, very bad, no good person.
     And yet I don't regret what I did.
     I went back with Kirstie and Marcia to their apartment. Kirstie put Marcia down for a nap then asked if I wanted to watch a movie or something. Now Kirstie and I hang out all the time now, just us. But right then I knew something was different this time. I just didn't put my finger on it until it was happening, and then I still didn't stop it.
     Watching the movie was fine, and then kissing Kirstie was fine even though my mind was screaming it wasn't fine! And then the sex, well that was more than fine, that was amazing. But it's not something you're supposed to be doing with the person you're not dating.
     Here's the thing, Jess doesn't know I'm trying to break up with her and Kirstie still doesn't know that I'm even dating Jess in the first place and at the point of trying to break up with her. This a mess and I am a horrible, very bad no good person. Even if everything that happened this afternoon just felt so right, it wasn't.
     Plus it was all on her couch, so damn classy. Way back when I had that crush on her, very rarely would I imagine any of that, but if I did it wasn't on a couch, it was better than that because Kirstie was better than that. Just cause I didn't really want Jess in my bed, it's a bad habit I've picked up, a stupid habit actually, it's ridiculous I fell into it at all.
     Kirstie doesn't need this, this stress I've got on my shoulders, the lies I'm telling her. Jess doesn't either, I shouldn't have to be worrying about her though, that's the problem. I need to get rid of her, but I can't figure out a way to get through to her that I don't want to be with her anymore.
     What if I just left? Just went somewhere by myself, not tell anyone, not even Esther. That would solve everything and I wouldn't have to worry about seeing anyone's feelings getting hurt, it'd be ideal wouldn't it? Kirstie did it, so why can't I?

I rush home, luckily Esther's not there. I pull my suitcase down out of the wardrobe, off the shelf, man was it wedged in there, what had I been thinking? That I'd never use it again? Eventually it comes down and I flip it open. It is black with highlighter-green trim and a big dragon sticker on it, that had actually been Kirstie's idea when we'd started touring so that I could spot it on the conveyor belts.
     I felt a pang in my chest as I thought about her, and thinking about Kirstie brought me to thinking about Marcia, and how Kirstie was all by herself, raising a baby and now I'm just ditching her.
     But we're not dating. Why should I worry so much? She was fine before me and now she'll be fine after me, she's back in contact with Scott and Mitch, I'm sure Kevin too.
     I shove some clothes into the suitcase and a spare pair of shoes, I don't bother folding the clothes or putting any of it in there neatly, it was lucky that I most likely wouldn't fill it anyways.
     I carry the case out into the lounge and place it on the table, thinking about what else I might need when there is a knock at the door. The first thought that crosses my mind is not to answer. With a second and third rapping I sigh and make my way over to the door. Opening it, I find the last two people I wanted to see right now.
     "Guess what you left at mine?" Kirstie asks in her sing song 'mom' voice, bouncing Marcia on her hip, the young girl giggling. "What do you have in your hand?" she snuggles closer with her daughter, who's arms are flailing around, my beanie clutched in her tiny fist.
     "Beanie!" Kirsite cheers, laughing as she turns to face me. "So we brought it back to you, not to mention this one," she lightly bounces her daughter once, "Couldn't wait to see you again, she just hasn't been quiet since you left, and look at her now, all bubbly and smiling. You're her favourite guy, mine too," she gives me a beaming smile, lifting Marcia up so that their cheeks were pressed together, both smiling at me.
     I half smile back. "Is that all then? I'm..." I trail off as she steps past me into my apartment, "Kirst, now isn't really a good time."
     "Where are you going?" she asks as she turns back around, she had a frown on her face, of course she did, we'd been hanging out so much she was bummed that I hadn't told her I was going on holiday. But I'm not going on holiday, and she doesn't know that, so I don't answer. I don't know if that was maybe the stupidest thing I've ever done.
    "Avi are you leaving or something?" she asks with a laugh, oh she's joking, but I stay quiet and her smile drops. "Are you leaving?" she asks in a more serious tone. "If this is about this afternoon, I already promised you that Marcia wouldn't have heard us she was asleep."
I sigh, shaking my head.
     "Is it that it happened at all? Do you regret what happened? Avi if that's what it is then just tell me, I don't want to lose you as a friend again Avi, please don't leave me," my stomach drops further and further the more she talks. I really don't have the heart to tell her the truth, and I can't bring myself to speak, that just upsets her more.
     "Avi, please talk to me. If you're mad at me I'm sorry, even though it was both of us, did you not want to and I pressured you or something? Avi just talk!"
     I run my hands through my hair, "Kirstie it's none of that, none... I can't tell you what it is, okay I'm sorry."
      "Is someone in your family sick?" she just doesn't give up does she?
     I shake my head.
     "Then what? What is it?" she whines. "You can't not tell me Avi, that's allowed okay!"
     "Don't tell me what to do Kirstie, please," I sigh, turning away from her.
     "Avi are you scared that because of us sleeping together will lead to dating and becoming an insta-dad, because it doesn't need to, it could mean nothing? If that's what you want?"
     "That's not what I want Kirstie. But what I want isn't relevant because I need to leave, so you need to go, please no more questions." This hurt, I have no words for how much this hurt. I walk back over to the front door and open it, holding it for her, I wait without looking up at her, I just can't.
     I end up having to look because she doesn't come towards the door, I look over at her and she's sat on the couch with Marcia cuddled in her arms, staring at me.
     "Kirstie," I sigh.
     She just shakes her head, "Are you going to make me leave? Are you going to force me with a baby in my arms?" she slyly raises an eyebrow and when I don't reply she answers, "I didn't think so."
     "Kirstie, please," I gesture out the door, she was right, I wasn't going to physically make her move, I couldn't, and wouldn't because of Marcia. If Marcia wasn't there then I'd pick her up and put her outside, I bet I could still do that. "Whether you're here or not-"
     "Hey."
     "Oh you have got to be kidding me!" I turn to face the person who had just shown up in the doorway. And through clenched teeth I reply, "Hi Jessica."

A/N: Dun Dun Dun!!!! :O
      Well Avi's in the deep end now isn't he...

Hope you liked :)

Hannah.