Where to go from Here

Why?

  Hwa-Young POV

I sat on my bed staring at my phone waiting for him. No texts, no calls, not a single word from him. It's been over 2 months since I've last heard from him. The last time I saw him was when he took me to Namsan Tower, after that, it was almost as if he just disappeared. Jinyoung, where have you gone? I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts to see his number. 30 unanswered calls and 10 unanswered texts. Funny how just a few months ago I was able to live without him and now it seems like so long ago that it doesn't seem possible.
The last time we met lingered on my mind on repeat. Jinyoung walked me up to my door. He held me close to his figure for the longest time and wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Come on Jinyoung let go, it's not like it's the last time we'll see each other." I teased. If only I knew that was actually going to happen.

Tears brimmed my eyes as the texts between us began to look blurry. A feeling began to envelop me, emptiness, betrayal, and the feeling of being lost. So this is what it feels like to be dumped. Although it wasn't official, I might as well take this as a sign that things are over between us. I don't even know what went wrong. Was I too clingy? Was I not enough? Maybe he just became tired of me and I was just that easy to get rid of. I looked up at the ceiling hoping the tears wouldn't fall but they finally broke free and streamed down my face with my breath becoming shaky and uneven. My shoulders shook as I took a deep breath in every so often to try and call me down, only for me to break down even further.

It took awhile but I finally began to calm down enough for me to get up and go to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection that now appeared before me. My hair was messy and knotted, my clothes wrinkled and stained, and dark circles encircled my now red and puffy eyes. I heaved a deep sigh releasing a wretched smell from my mouth. I decided that if I'm going to sulk I might as well do something productive at the studio. I made myself somewhat decent enough to look presentable in public and went to the studio.

I arrived there and started to practice the choreography that I have to learn that I have been procrastinating the past few weeks on. I watched the videos that the other trainees left for me to look at to learn the dance. They seemed a lot harder than what I was used to, I guess that's what happens when you aren't keeping up with the classes. I tried the dance multiple times but to no avail. I was constantly tripping over myself from the strenuous amount of footwork and I could never portray the same feelings that the other dancers did. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration before going back to try again. Although it was hard it was a good way to keep my mind off of him. I ran over the dance time after time until I could do the dance forwards, backwards, double speed, and so on. I didn't even notice that when I looked at the clock it was already 1 in the morning. I plopped myself on the floor breathing heavily from exhaustion.

I looked at myself in the large mirror of the dance practice room. My face pale and sweat dripping down my face with my once neat pony tail now messed up and barely holding on. I picked myself up off the ground and walked out of the room closing the door behind me.

I waited at the elevator while staring at my shoes. Gross, I'll definitely need to buy new ones since these are all worn out and faded now. I smiled at myself knowing that I'll get to go shopping soon. My attention was averted back towards the elevator when I heard it ring and the doors slowly parted away from each other. Out stepped 3 people, one dressed in all black with a black mask and cap hiding his face, the other two were other JYP staffs that I met before. I wonder what they are doing here so late at night. I gave a slight bow and smiled to them as I stepped past them. The one dressed in black stared at me as if waiting for me to say something. I averted my gaze as I went to press the button the lobby ignoring the fact that his presence seemed familiar but creeped me out. I made my way out of the building and took a deep breath of the cool night air before walking home.
It's been a few weeks since I have started to go back to practicing at the company. I have been improving a lot and the staff have been praising me saying that I should be able to debut soon. The improvement has been small and subtle but I feel like I have accomplished a lot lately. At this point, it feels as if things are so much better and I wonder if it is even possible that I have forgotten about him all together, something that I thought would never happen. The longer I spent in the company the more I realized how much more work I should have put into my trainee life. There were a lot of trainees that came and went from debuting or just dropping out because it just became too much for them but it shows me just how important this is to me.
I was sitting in front of a piano writing down some ideas for some new songs. The room silent with only the sounds of the scratching of my pencil against the page and the pressing of an occasional piano key. My thoughts were broken when I got a notification on my phone. I checked what my phone had to tell me this time. Probably a stupid reminder I scoffed rolling my eyes. "JYP's newest boy group to debut." I clicked to check out more when the life seemed to just drain from my body.
"So that's where you've been Park Jinyoung." I whispered. The name that seemed so foreign now appearing before me again. They were all there Mark, JB, Jackson, Yugyeom, Bambam, Youngjae, and Jinyoung. My heart clenched as if trying hold the pieces together and trying not to break for the thousandth time. I slowly sighed as I gently pressed down a key on the piano letting the sound ring in my ears. I heard the door quietly click as I looked up to a figure walk in and exchange I contact with me.
"Hey... "