Growing Love

17

Katherina

Since I was born, I have been given everything that my heart could ever want. But as I got older, I learned that none of those things made me happy. I was called the most beautiful, I wasn't happy. Men worshiped me at my feet, I wasn't happy. I had money to last me a lifetime, I am still not happy. But then I meet him, Carter McClain. He was the very epitome of lust and desire. The moment our blue eyes connect, I was in love. It started as just friendship, but that soon led to more. He would come to me when he needed distractions, and that was fine with me. But after a while, I craved more. I wanted more, I needed more. "Carter, I know a way I can make you forget everything." We were only kids. Still in highschool, he wasn't even fully aware of the harsh realities of the world yet. But I convinced him into taking that step. A step I have taken before, but not him. He was as innocent as he was beautiful. I showed him things no woman was ever able to show him again. That's why no matter how many gold-diggers he was with, he always came back to me. I though, give him time, he'll choose you in the end. But he didn't.

In the end, he picked a man over me. I hated him. I despised him. But yet, I still wanted him. I craved his touch, his lips. The feel of his body pressed hard against mine. I wanted to feel that again, no matter the cost. So I did something I never expected myself to do. "Congratulations Ms. Harrington, you're pregnant." I lied. I got pregnant by a man who I didn't love, and made a plan to split Carter and Ethan up. I convinced my brother to help me, since he has done everything I have ever asked of him in the past. He did it without so much as a second thought. But that didn't last, he's not like me. He has a conscious.

"Kat. Are you sure this was the right thing to do?" I looked up at my brother, the worry and concern clear in his eyes. I normally loved seeing how much he cared for me. But at that moment, it infuriated me.

"Since when do you question my decisions? Just do what I tell you too!" He was older, and stronger. He could have said no, but he didn't. When I heard about Carter and Ethan separating, I thought my chance had come. Finally he would return to me, and I would feel his love once again. But he didn't. He did everything in his power to forget me. My plan failed, and he was gone. Leaving me with a bastard child that I never wanted. I had him, but only because I had to. I didn't want him. The pain of doing so was so strong, I was bedridden for months. But once I could stand again, my life was still going in a downward spiral. I was starting to lose my grip on certain things.

"Katherina." A knock on the door had caught my attention, reminding me of the present nightmare I still had to face. I looked at the empty glass of whisky in my hand, and gripped it in anger. But I had to stop it, I couldn't keep living like this. I was turning into the people I hated, my parents.

"Go away!" I tossed my glass at the closed door, shattering it into a million tiny pieces. But all those pieces did was show me a million tiny pieces of me. Broken, and alone.

"Sis. He's back." Words I never expect to hear again. He wanted to know the truth, if the baby was his. I knew the answer already, I could have faked the results. But for some reason, I didn't. I simply fixed myself the best I could, and walked down to see him. Andrew gave me a silent look, telling me to be strong. I gave his shoulder a small squeeze as I made my way downstairs. My heart stopped at the sight of him. He was even more beautiful than before, and I wanted him that much more. But he had changed. Something in his eyes was different. They weren't dull and empty like before. They held light now. And that light only grew as he laid eyes on the baby. It was a light he never once got with me. I watched his back as he left, with the son I tried to capture him with. But I didn't stop him. I didn't demand anything, I just let him leave. After all that time, pawning over him. I just let him slip through my fingers, and I didn't understand why. The door shut closed, and with it, all my hope of ever being with him.

"Sis? Are you okay?" My brother sat at the edge of my bed, and ran his fingers through my hair. Just like how he used to do when we were kids. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the only form of loving comfort I have ever truly known.

"Andrew? Why does it hurt?" I held my chest, and let the tears slide down my cheeks. "It's never hurt before, so why now?" He continued to run his fingers through my hair, as I silently cried.

"You loved him Katherina. You loved him, but you let him go. That's why it hurts." Love. Something I have never actually mutually experiance before, except from my brother. But that is a different type of love. A love between siblings. My love for Carter is between a man and a woman.

"Have you ever loved someone before?" I didn't look at him, I just looked at the pieces of glass still on my floor. Still showing me the reflection of a girl as broken as those very pieces.

"Yes. But sadly, she was not mine to have. So my loved went unfulfilled." I took his hand, and cried for my brother this time.

"Love sucks."

"Yeah. It does."

I had decided to give up on Carter, and leave him and his family alone. But once word got to my parents about Nicholas, that was not a possibility. They were outraged at the news of Carter marrying a man over me. At the Kingmans becoming part of the McClains. Something that should have belonged to the Harrisons belonged to them. And most of all, that I had let my latest chance slip from between my fingers.

"He is not an object father! Nicholas is happy and safe with them, just let this be!" He slapped me across the face. I saw Andrew flinch, but he knows better than to try and stop this. Father was not a man to cross. He learned that lesson just as hard as I did. I just wiped the blood from my lip in silent anger, just like normal.

"Shut your mouth you worthless whore! Do you have any idea the strain you have caused this family. Reports of your nightly guest appear on magazines every day. Your arrest we had to cover up. And the shame of a Harrison woman losing to a man! You have brought nothing but shame and disgrace to this family!" I flinched at his words, but didn't dare argue. I had no right to when every word was the truth.

"Katherina." I looked to my mother. Her face showing the losing battle with age, but the struggle she is making to fight it. "That child, even though he is a bastard, is still a Harrison. He will be returned to this family, and you will do everything in your power to ensure the next one is apart of that family." Was she serious?! My body ached at the mere thought of that pain again. I held myself just thinking how much the first one was so painful, and how it almost killed me just to do it.

"Mother no! Katherina's body could hardly withstand the first child, she can't have another." This is the reason why my parents treat me this way. I was weak from the day I was born. My only 'good' quality was my looks.

"I don't care! If Carter is out of the question, then maybe one of the two new McClain sons. Charles seems to be handing the McClain name to almost anyone. Let's make sure the next one to get it is one of ours." This is my life. Twisted and psychotic parents, a loving but silent older brother. And me. The useless pawn in her parents game. Carter, I'm sorry.