It's Not Goodbye It's Just Till Next Time

Chapter 4

   I woke up to Ben shaking me. I looked at the clock to see it was 7:02 pm.

" What do you what from me" I asked sleepy.

" I'm board" he whined.

" And this is my problem how?" I questioned sarcastically.

" What do you do for fun when your board?" He asked wanting an idea.

" Read" I said while still trying to wake up.

" I said fun" he complained.

" And I said read" I said annoyed.

He laid down beside me and spread his arms and legs out while I tried to get up.

" How about you go watch TV" I suggest.

" There's nothing on" he whined again.

I sighed.

"DINNER" we hear Paul yell.

Ben jumped up instantly ,and grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room into the kitchen.

" Hey Jan you came on your on" Dan said.

" Not really Ben dragged me in here" I stated.

" Oh well you're in here now so you have to eat" Dan said almost disappointed.

I went out to the living room and sat in one of the chairs.

" Janis if you don't get in here now and eat you're in big trouble" I hear Paul yell.

My stomach flips and I get up to go in the kitchen.

" Ok we have a problem you are not eating at all anymore so what's wrong" Paul said.

I just shrugged and started back into the living room ,but Paul grabbed me.

" You're not leaving until yo eat ALL of this" Paul said sitting a big plate of food in front of me.

I looked at Dan and Ben and they didn't say anything and just walked out the door into the living room. Paul sat down across from me and started eating his food that he had prepared for himself. I looked at him then back down to my food.

" You better eat I mean it Janis" Paul said frustrated.

I look down at my plate I just couldn't bring myself to eat the food it's not that it was bad I just wasn't hungry.

" JANIS I TOLD YOU TO EAT" Paul yelled as he stood up.

I started to cry again he pushed me out of the chair. Ever thing started going black once I hit my head on the floor.

When I woke up I had an awful headache.

" Guys she's up" someone yelled and I didn't help my head any.

My three brothers where all standing in the doorway way staring at me. Paul looked like he had been crying I wondered why. Then everything came back to me. He must of pushed me so hard that I hit my head and blacked out. They all came a little closer and sat around me on the bed. No one talked for a second until Paul grabbed me and hugged me and started crying.

" I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you" Paul cried out.

" No it's fine I deserved it" I choked out.

" Janis I shouldn't force you to do something you don't want to" Paul said.

I knew it was my fault but I didn't want to upset them.

" I'd rather be alone left alone right now, if that's ok?" I said in a disappointed voice.

" Of corse Hun" Paul said while stroking my hair.

They walked out and I laid there not wanting to move because it hurt so much. I started to think what if he enjoyed it, what if he wants to do it again, what if it becomes a usual thing and it happens everyday. My mind was getting the better of me and I started to cry. I went over to one of the boxes that I had got the other day from my old house. I opened one of the boxes that had some of my father's things ,and took out a pocket knife. Something in my mind was yelling to do it I deserve it. I turned my wrist over and made a cut in the middle of my arm that wasn't to deep ,but would still bleed. I watched the blood slowly crawl from my arm before making seven more identical marks up and down my left forearm. I did the same to my other arm ,but as I was making the fifth cut my door swung open and Paul peaked his head in.

" JANIS what are you doing" Paul said in a heart broken voice.

I looked up in shock I didn't know what to do he had just seen me cutting myself. Ben and Dan came running to see what Paul had yelled about then they saw my arms and they all stared at each other then back at me.

" What happened" Ben said I a voice that sounded like he was about to cry.

"We're you cutting yourself" Dan asked in the same voice Ben did.

I couldn't talk I was to embarrassed that they had seen what I was doing ,but I nodded my head to give them conformation.

"Why would you do that to yourself" Paul asked.

"Because this is what I deserve" I choked out.

" No you don't why would you think that" Paul questioned again.

"Because I'm a horrible person" I yelled.

" Janis no you're not" Dan said.

" It doesn't matter what's done is done ,and I'll do it again" I shouted at them.

"Janis please give me the knife" Dan commanded.

I handed him the knife ,and he closed it and put it in his pocket. They all sat down beside me in the floor ,and Paul put his arm around me. On one talked for a little while.

" Is this because I yelled at you and then hit you" Paul questioned with tears in his eyes.

I shook my head to be honest I don't know why I did it I thought to myself.

"We should probably clean up your cuts" Dan said but not really to me.

I stood up and Paul walked me to the kitchen while Dan got the first aid kit out of the bathroom. After about half an hour of stinging and band aids Paul was finally done. I looked at the band aids covering my arms then back at Paul.

"Promise me you won't do that again" Paul said in a cold voice.

I nodded my head ,and walked into the living room where Dan and Ben were sitting in the chairs. I walked over to the couch and sat down they stared at me till Paul come in. He sat beside me and pulled me down so I had my head in his lap. We were watching TV until I went to sleep.