HATE ; joshler (on hold)

twenty five

Time froze. We sat staring at each other both speechless. My heart thumped in my chest and it only got louder by the second. He looked at me as if he wasn't sorry for what he did.

I scooted back slowly. My eyes wondering around the room trying to find something to say to him.

"Tyler." His voice was different this time. Cold. My breathing quickened.

I shut my eyes slowly, "Who?" my voice shaking. I felt him lay his hand on my knee resulting to me jumping slightly.

I opened my eyes to see Josh staring at me again. "Who." My voice louder this time, less shaky.

He seemed taken aback by my sudden outburst. Josh cleared his throat and frowned. "I-It's not about the who.. But the why."

I laughed harshly. "So what you're saying is that you can't tell me who.. So you're going to lie and just say why to get me off your back, again." His hand left my knee. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

"Tyler, I'm not going to lie... Not anymore. I-I just can't tell you who." His voice getting softer towards the end.

I stood up. "Y'know, now that I think about it, I don't want to know." Which was a total lie. I wanted to know who and why more than anything. I grabbed my backpack and packed a few things.

I turned around to Josh in the doorway of the bedroom. "Leaving?" He frowned.

"Yes, actually. I'll find somewhere to stay, maybe a hotel." I shrugged.

"Why are you leaving?" Josh followed me out the front door. The sun was going down, leaving us behind to be swallowed by darkness.

"Josh, please. Do I have to explain?" I frowned. "You killed someone for God's sake." my voice a whisper. "Josh to be honest I'm kind of scared. Not only of what you've done but that I was blinded by everything, this-this... lust that i have for you. God, I barely knew you yet I was living with you."

Which was the case. I was living with a guy who, for all I know, could've made up everything he's told me. Yet I slept in his bed and sang to him and said I loved him. It all seemed so... so real.

"Josh I told you everything. I gave you my everything. You were my everything." 'Were' it hung in the air leaving us in nothing but silence once again.