Far from okay. [A Killua X Reader short fic]

[i]

"I shouldn't have left her!"

I flung the chair across the room, and it shattered the instant it touched the wall. Every vein on every part of my body was visible from anger and every thought I had was screaming rage.

The only other person in the building flinched. He had never seen me so angry. No situation had ever taken me by surprise as much as this did. The whole operation leading up to this point was futile to me now. I should've thought it through, I should've been here, she should've been with m-

"Killua." Gon's hand on my shoulder takes my immediate attention. I turn to face him, not in the mood for any of his selfish bullshit. Instead he is almost as serious as I've ever seen him. I relax my shoulders and he takes his hand away. We've been through literal war together. Our battalion either died or got separated, I trust them both with my life. But she is my life. She's all I ever need. And I let her be taken. I let her be here all on her own. She was vulnerable, injured, defenceless, and she knew noone would come to help no matter how loud she screamed.

I'm screaming. She's not okay and it's all on me. I let her down. My throat burns in pain the louder I get. I turn away from Gon, and grab my head as I drop onto my hunkers. She knew as soon as they came it was over.

It was all over.

"It was all my fault."

Gon smacks me across the face. As soon as I had lifted my head up he smacks me. I slam into the wall, and he picks me up by my collar and pins me against it in less than a second.

"If you think after all this I'm going home without her too, I'll never let either of us forget it." He was right up in my face, almost growling with the words. I could only nod in response, knowing it wouldn't be easy to steal her back. Gon nods back, dropping me gently. We had a duty, to her and to the both of us. He heads towards the door and I look around once more. The window was broken, from the inside.

That makes me smile. She didn't go without a fight. And now that she's unable to, we'll finish it.

"Catch," Gon tosses me a gun after I turn to follow him. A small M9. We don't have much ammo for it, but it's all we got. Neither of us are exactly excited or prepared to go through this. It's a fragile situation.

"Let's go," I say after a loud click comes from reloading.

Our footsteps echoed through the forever empty, now abandoned, house for a long time after. We didn't shut the door behind us. There was no time to waste.