Unfiltered Letters

Day 1: 10/23/16

It was our anniversary three days ago. Nineteen months exactly. A lot of people think that time doesn't matter in a relationship, but I think it does. I think time determines how strong that love can stay. For me, it has stayed the same since the second I met her. In complete awe. She changed me in the best possible way, she made me into a much better person than who I was before I had met her. When I saw her, I was determined, there was no way in hell I was going to let her go, like I let everybody else before her go. She was special. 

I miss her right now, I miss her whenever I'm not with her. She would leave to go put her tray away at lunch and the second she would leave, I would miss her. You can call me clingy, but I think I'm just entranced with her, 24/7. We are chatting a little bit, and we will probably chat for another hour and half but then she will get tired and wanna go to sleep, which is understandable. 

We just ended up chatting for 15 more minutes and then she needed to take a bath, so it's alright. Saying goodnight to her every night is probably the hardest thing I have to do everyday. I hate not talking to her, I hate saying goodbye. Every 4 out of the 5 nights of the week, I cry every time she says she's tired, or that she needs to shower. I could stay up till 2 and just talk forever, but we can't do that. 

She is my best friend, but she isn't at the same time. You hang out with your best friend all the time, you talk to them as much as possible, you get along all the time, you are just attached at the hip. That isn't really us. We know each other like the back of our hand, but we only see each other a couple times a day, we can only have real conversations over chat, if we wanna act like a couple we have to do it in a bathroom stall 90% of the time because we would get bullied if we are seen talking to each other in public. But I don't think about that often, because life is too short to be thinking about things like that. 

Honestly, I don't give a fuck about what other people think. I would hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek every damn day at school if I could. But if I did, she would probably be stressed out so much that she would have to leave our school, and since we go to a private school, we would probably get kicked out since our kind isn't the most welcome there. But that doesn't matter right now.

I miss her right now. And I just wanna be with her. But its okay cause I will see her tomorrow. I have to get her coffee, because I wanna make her smile. She has had a rough couple months so I've been trying to be sensitive with her, so that she doesn't break. I also messed up big time because I told her that I got this mascara that she has been wanting for the longest time, and I did, but I forget where I fucking put it so now I gotta find it before tomorrow, and study for a test, and finish my homework, as well as making sure I wake up early enough to do my math corrections. I hope it all works out. I just really miss her a lot right now.