Lost to Me ~A Shoey Fanfic~ *ON HOLD*

Chapter 5: Numb Inside

Previously:

~Shane's POV~

Joey: Wait, Shane!

I looked up and saw, no, more like felt, Joey's warm, soft lips on mine.

~Joey's POV~

Oh my god. What have I done?!

~Shane's POV~

I pulled away, shocked. Joey opened his eyes and looked at me, his eyes already glistening with tears.

Shane: Joey...I'm still in love with Lisa.

~Joey's POV~

Before Shane said that, I wouldn't have regretted my actions one but.

But now? When I kissed him, he just stood there. He didn't lean into the kiss at all, or respond in any way, and now he felt even more distant from me.

I ran out of the door to my car.

Luckily, I couldn't find any parking spots near Shane's without completely blocking his neighbors' driveways, so my car was out of sight of his house.

I sat in my car, staring at my steering wheel.

Then I lost it. I was gasping for air inbetween sobs, practically screaming inside the confines of Satsuki.

~Shane's POV~

Joey ran out of the door and I closed it behind him.

I stared at the back of the door for I don't know how long, then I sank to the floor.

It should be Lisa kissing me, begging me to take her back. I had to keep myself from kissing Joey back.

For a while now, it seems like I had only ever kissed Lisa without a camera around. No one else.

So I had to keep myself from kissing Joey back in my desperation for human company.

Where was Lisa right now? Was she happy?

Because that was what mattered, right? Her happiness?

But what about your own happiness? the tiny, selfish voice inside me asked. You have the right to be happy, too.

Do I really? Have that right, I mean. In our last few months together...God, I never throughly I would think the word "last" when it came to Lisa.

I thought we would be Shisa forever.

~Joey's POV~

Finally, I could see well enough to drive. I raised my hand to wipe away the tears that stained my cheeks, but then dropped it.

Was it really worth it? More tears would replace the ones that had fallen, anyways.

I dug my keys out of my shorts with shaking hands and started the ignition.

With the engine idling, I debated where I wanted to go.

Actually, I pretended to debate. Anywhere where Shane wasn't was perfectly fine by me.

In a few short minutes I arrived at Sawyer's and my house.

I unlocked the door and stumbled inside. Sawyer was sprawled on the couch, watching tv.

When he saw me, he swung his legs around and stood up.

Sawyer: You okay, Joey?

I shook my head as I started to cry again. Wow, someone actually did care about me. This greeting was so unlike the goodbye I had received at Shane's.

I mean, I had kissed him, but still.

Sawyer: Wanna talk about it?

I shook my head again, and sat down on one of the barstools in the kitchen.

Sawyer: Do you need anything?

I was about to shake my head a third time, then remembered something. Sawyer and Tyler had shot another drunk collab yesterday. I wonder if there was any alcohol left. If there was, I hoped it was strong.

Joey: Just something to drink.

My voice sounded awful. But Sawyer managed to understand me.

Sawyer: Water? A smoothie?

Joey: Did you and Tyler finish the vodka from yesterday?

Sawyer: Nope, there's still some left. It's hella strong though...you sure?

I dragged a watery smile onto my face.

Joey: Perfect.

Sawyer got the bottle from the counter and a shotglass and poured me a shot.

Without looking at the label of what I was drinking, I downed it in one gulp. It tasted like liquid fire.

I set the glass down, and Sawyer looked at me questioningly.

Sawyer: Another?

Joey: Until I'm passed out.

Sawyer: Joey, are you sure? You don't drink that much, this might be bad-

Joey: I don't fucking care.

I downed shot after shot. After the third one, my mouth and throat felt numbed by the drink.

By the fifth, I could hardly see straight.

By the seventh, I couldn't remember why I was drinking in the first place.

I lost count after that.

~Sawyer's POV~

After his seventh shot, I was surprised Joey was still upright, let alone able to lift the glass.

He was starting to fall over, but he was sitting on the farthest stool over from where the bar ended.

There was no way I could get around the bar to him in time.

Yet I tried.

And watched as his head hit the floor with a sickening crack.

A/N Hey guys!! So, yes...it's kind of way past my previous read goal from last chapter...oops...

Although I've been kinda sick and I have had the need for a lot more sleep than usual for a while, and seeing as I do my best writing late at night...well, you see my dilemma. Sorry!!!

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Read goal: 130 reads (see Chapter 3 if you're unsure about what this means)