Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Dont Look

AN this chapter contains self harm if you find this triggering then dont read on I would not blame you at all. This issue will be featured in a couple of chapters so sorry. Harry begins to reffer to Louisa as 'Lou' This has nothing to do with there hair stylist It just seemed to fit. Anyway hope you enjoy this chapter I like to think I worked really hard on this one aha I did say I would update everyweek but as it is the xmas hols you might get random updates as I will have free time but should usaully get one up every Wednesday at least. x

Harry's Pov

I walk into my flat after sitting into a McDonald car park for hours laughing and eating with my love Louisa then going back to the beach to watch the sun rise while she lay her head in my lap. It was amazing her fingers where intertwined with mine and her free hand was running through my hair while I place my rough hands and placed my fingers up and down her belly making her giggle every-now and then.

As I place her down on my sofa after carrying her from the car bridal style I walk into my room to undress and change into some different clothes I've barely changed. I rip of my t shirt and take of my track suit bottoms and take of my boxers, I am now naked, ahaha I should run into Louisa! No too soon for her.

I reach for my draws and as turn I see Louisa peering at my door, I pretend I have no seen as it would embarrasses her too much, though it is a bit obvious. She can only see my bum though, which is good I have a nice bum. I put my boxers on and turn again too see she has gone she must of seen Id noticed her there and ran off. Bless she is so cute and innocent

I stick on a plain black t shirt and walk back to the living room I look at my hallway clock on my way and realise its 8:45am Louisa's mum wants her home in a couple of hours. Oh no Ive had such an amazing time with her, What if this is a weekend thing that we wont be normal at school? No it cant be I ... love her?

I run behind her and jump over her on the sofa and place my lips on hers I roll us over while are lips are moving in sync with eachothers. I run my tongue across her bottom lip to feel her plum lips allow me entry. I feel her heart beat as I move my torso closer to hers.I want to feel her small frame against me in a loving way. I dont want to rush everything I want to feel every kiss, every touch and heart beat exchanged. I wrap my arms around her waist while she places on hand on my cheek, even if our kiss breaks for breath eye contact never ends. Those stunning blue eyes, I could stare into them all day I then lean against the sofa to push her into it so I can reach my head into her neck to be able to kiss her neck. I nuzzel my nose against her soft skin causing her to quielty chuckle. yay she is ticklish! I kiss her neck slowly taking over every inch of her body I feel her jump when I touch her. I love that I have that effect on her. Louisa has that effect on me though no girl ever really has.

I place my hands between here arse and thigh feeling her soft warm skin through her well my tracksuits, lifting her up onto my kitchen counter.

"Are you okay lou?" I question as she winced when I lifted her up. I didnt hurt her I was soft and I know that for a fact

" Yeah im fine" She looked a bit annoyed as her eyebrows furrowed. I didnt want to rush into anything with Louisa, she was gentle and precious needed love not meaningless sex. I was going to be gentle with her, when the time was right. But it isnit now so im not doing it. I kiss her cheek and lift her off the counter placing her bare feet on my cold tiles. She smiles, yup i was right she didnt want to do it. She hurried into the bedroom and I followed her I jumped into my bed as she stood there.

"Im hot" Louisa said standing infront of me.

"I know you are and just change then I dont care just look in my wardrobe" I laughed as she opened my closet and took out a pair of black tight boxers. She took off my tracksuits from her legs and stepped into my boxers. She looked so classically elegant and beautiful. She then fell into my arms as I wrapped her up in my warm bed. 10 minutes had passed and we were laying in complete silence it was comfortable to just be in each others company. I lifted my fingers from being wrapped around her shoulders. I wanted to feel her in a loving way. I took them past her stomuch skimming over her bum and landing delicately on her thighs. They were so soft I felt myself staying there I brushed them lighting on the outsides of her thighs and I made my way into her inner thighs my delightful time brushing through her soft skin came to and end as I felt bumps and grazes they werent your normally bumps that girls have they were rough and scabby. I stopped and looked up at her she had no idea. I quickly looked underneath the sheet to discover that there were nurmourous amouts of cuts along her inner thigh. Yes Louisa told me she used to cut her self but these were not scars these cuts were fresh.

"Louisa" I whispered in her ear voice trembling.

"Dont tell me these are fresh?" I said lifting up the duvet to expose her battered thighs.

"Harry" She said tears were brimming in her eyes. I wanted to hug her and kiss her but my body froze.

LOUISA POV

AN: Song for this part, Say somthing - A great big world. 

Fuck he had noticed he hates me I cant stay I grab my heels in my hand my dress thrown out on the floor and run to the door of the apartment I slip on Harrys converse and run. I run out down the stairs. Out the apartment complex down and down an alley. I dont want to take the normal route home. He knows where I live proberly I have to go down a different way incase he sees me and forces me to go with him. I cant believe he saw my cuts after I told him id stopped it, he will never forgive me im such a stupid idiot. It was so fun with Harry but its done I know that now. School will be awkward but Im done he hates me. I wine in and out of alley ways trying to decide which way to go to reach my house. My phone buzzes.

from: Harry

where are you ill come and collect you x

I bet he just feels sorry for me. Harry is too good for me. I press my thumbs into the keyboard and reply.

to: Harry

im sorry harry you are too good for me dont miss me please. have a good life you were too good for me x

Im going to do it. I dont deserve life this boy has opened up to me and I just look past him. I dont deserve him I dont deserve anything.

incomming call

Harry.

I press the decline button and I have finally reached my house, I scramble in my clutch from the party to find my keys I eventually find them under lips glose tissues and more cluttered I place them in my hand and attempt to unlock the door regardless of my shaky hands. As I enter I shout

"Mum, Shannon?" barely audible through my rough voice due to my crying.

The house fell silent. No one was in. I made my way up into my bedroom I shut the door and colapsed as I slided down it. I cried and cried. I got up and walked to my bathroom I grabbed the razors I use to 'shave my legs' Un dressed my self and put the shower head on in my bath and sat there. The cold water was running over my bare pale skin as I skim my thighs with the razor the pain in my head was realising as my phyiscal pain became stronger. The water washed away my blood down the plug hole as more feel. I am dying on the inside slowly.

HARRYS POV

What did that text mean? Jesus fucking christ no she couldnt kill herself I cant lose her like I lost Miranda. I lose everyone. I jump into my car and drive to her house constandly trying to get through to her phone but it just started to go staright to voice mail after a while, As I pull up to her house I ring the doorbell it didnt take me long to realise that I would not get a answer where could I look for a spare key? People leave them everywhere dont they. I looked under the mat I was standing on but I didnt find one. I am going to barge the door open until I see a plant pot. Boom I look underneath and fine the sliver single key underneath. I do not hesatate to quickly open the door. I searched through the downstairs of the house not finding her, FUCK! where could she be? I run upstairs go in every room until I hear the sound of running water. As I enter the room where the sound is comming from it is obvious its Lou's I see my clothes scattered in a line leading to another door in her room as I follow the line it becomes obvious that the sound is comming from there. I grab as towel as she will be naked due to her clothes being everywhere. I enter the room to see the heartbreaking sight of Louisa my darling sitting there in the emtpy bath head curled into her knees I look closer to see blood rushing into the plug into the bath and a razor next to her hand. I hear her wimpering, as I come closer wrapping a towel round her bare body. Whipsering comforting words into her ear as I wrap my body round hers forcing her into my chest. My baby. Tears are comming out of my eyes