No one love me anymore.
The world is a mess. Its all lies.
No one is as they seem. They never will be. They will never stay. No one does.
People are fake. I am fake. I am what people wish me to be. People wish that I never change. They want me to forever remain the terrible human I am. The slightest bit of change I show causes outrage among my group of 'friends'.
I want to change. I want to get better. I am not who I want to be. I am a mess. They don't see that. I always hide my messes. I try to appear perfect. They want me that way, so I become that. It's sad. I'm sad. It is the worst feeling in the world that people want you to stay the same even though you don't want to. This is why I want to leave everything behind. I want to leave. The people here don't care about me. I'm on my own. They always promise to stay forever. I know that will never be true. It never is. People only care about them selves. They only think of them selves. People are selfish, or at least the ones I know. I don't think I know one person who cares about me. I try to tell them my issues. They just laugh and call me crazy or irrational. They never see my issues as being real. They never try to see if they are. They don't care. They only care about them selves.
This is why I want to leave everything behind. If I leave, I won't have to worry about people. I won't care if somebody doesn't pay attention because I don't know them. If I leave I don't want any friends. Friends only cause pain. I don't like pain. I feel it everyday. Not physical pain, I feel mental pain. I think it's caused by loneliness. Friends make me very lonely. They never care to try to fix that so I wish to leave them. I don't. I never do. I always act as if I'm no fed up with them. I act is everything is fine. They won't know. They wouldn't care anyways. They never do.
I'm on my own, but at the same time I'm not. I have so many that are 'close' to me, but they feel so far way. I know the moment one of us leave we will never talk to each other again. I tell them that all the time, they always think i'm joking. I'm not. I wish I was though. It's sad but it's the truth. I will see my 'friends' again soon. I don't want to. I have to though. I know that if I don't show up they wouldn't care at all. They never do. I have to deal with that everyday knowing that if I am not present for any reason, no one would care.
This may seem over dramatic and highly depressing, but that's how I see things. I see them as they are. I'm not stuck in some bubble filled with ignorance. I live in the real world and see things for how they really are. I'm not stupid. I'm not crazy. You don't have to believe me. I don't care, or that's what I tell myself. I don't care and I don't wish too.
