Taken By Sleep

2

"Hello, Tyler." My mom greets Tyler, then turns to me. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." I step outside. "Bye, Tyler."

"Bye, Tyler." He mimics my voice.

I roll my eyes. I walk with my mom to the car.

Tyler and I met in our Freshman year. We had four classes together, and we both had the same first name. You don't usually find a female Tyler, so I'm one-of-a-kind. Before either of us made friends, we hung out at school because there wasn't anyone either of us knew. It's been two years, and we've stayed friends, though he pursued basketball and I'm more of an artist.

We also tried dating last year. It was really awkward, so we friend-zoned each other and now just hang out as friends. He's probably my best friend. He's the only one who knows about the fact that I cut. I have other friends, like girls, but I'm not as close with them as I am with Tyler.

__________________

I walk into the lobby with my mom. She signs me in on the clipboard by the receptionist, and we go to sit down. It's only about a minute later when the receptionist calls, "Tyler Dolan." I stand up and walk down the hallway to Dr. Trundle's room. The door is open slightly, so I walk in. Dr. Trundle is a thirty-something-year-old woman with short brown hair and glasses. She smiles. "Hello, Tyler."

"Hello." I sit in the chair in front of her desk.

"So how are you today?"

I shrug. "Normal."

"Anything fun happen this week?"

I think for a second. "Not really. Just normal stuff."

"Did anything make you anxious?"

"Yes." Two nights ago, I was trying to study for the math test the next day.

"What happened?"

"I had a math test yesterday. It kind of stressed me out." Kind of. The lie slips out too easily.

"How did the test go?"

"It was fine. I didn't understand some of it."

"Did that make you stressed while you were taking it?"

"Yeah."

"How did you try to deal with that?"

"Deep, slow breaths. Concentrating. Convincing myself it's not too hard and that I don't need to be worried." And the night before, I cut myself.

"Good," she says encouragingly. "I'm proud of you." You shouldn't be. She smiles. I give a small, polite smile back. "Anything else?"

"Nothing really major. I had a small anxiety attack a few days before that." I have mild anxiety, and I get anxiety attacks maybe once every two weeks. That doesn't mean I don't just get anxious though. And I'm also probably depressed, but no one knows that.

"Did you take the medicine I recommended?"

(a/n i don't know if it's prescribed or not. sorry.)

"Yeah. It helped." It helped me feel like I was half asleep. If that's how I'm supposed to be normal I'd rather be depressed and anxious.

"Great. Is there anything else significant that happened?"

"Not really."

"Tell me about your life then."

"It's good."

"Friends?"

"Good."

"Can you elaborate?"

I sigh. "It's all just normal. I hung out with Tyler today."

"What did you do?"

"We watched a movie and did homework."

"Did anything make you anxious?"

The conversation about my wrists. "No."

"You feel really comfortable with him, don't you?"

"Yes." He basically removes my anxiety, when we're alone. And when we're not talking about something that makes me anxious. Even when we're with other people I feel less anxiety.

"Do you have any feelings for him?"

At first I'm appalled that she would pry into my love life, but I know she's supposed to be aware of anything that could relate to my anxiety, which includes basically everything in my life. That's how she's supposed to help me. So I answer. "We're friends. There's nothing else, really."

"Okay. But you're very close?"

"Yeah."

"How close?"

"Really close? I don't know. We can talk about stuff and I trust him."

"Could there be room for more feelings?"

"Could I fall in love with him? No."

"Alright. What about your other friends?"

We keep talking about my life until it's time for the session to be over. Then I get in the car with my mom.

"How did it go?"

"Good." What else am I supposed to say?

"Did she give you any advice?"

"Just to do what I've been doing, and when I feel too anxious, to talk to someone I trust."

"Okay. Don't be afraid to talk to me, okay? If you need something."

"Yeah." I would never talk to her about anything. It wouldn't help. I barely tell Tyler stuff. I can be open when he asks, but I usually don't start the conversation.

When we get home, I go to my room to read for history homework. Once I'm done, I pull out my sketchbook. I flip through a few of my unfinished drawings, but decide to start a new one instead of completing them. I don't exactly know what to draw, but I start anyway. It usually turns into something eventually.

__________________

this was a lot shorter than the last chapter. i don't know exactly how long i really want to make these chapters. but yeah.