Late night thoughts

You aint nothing but a walking heartbreak

All my life, I broke boys hearts. I broke Tony Delacattos heart in 7th grade, and Kyle Robinsons heart in 9th grade, then Jacob Wests heart junior year. Even boys I didn't date, I broke their
Hearts by not wanting them.

Everyone used to say to me, "You ain't nothing but a walking heartbreak sweetie. " and It was true, i never felt sorry, it was fun watching them crumble.

Then there was him. I met him freshman year of college, he was so intriguing i almost cried because how beautiful he was. He started talking, than talking turned to being friends, and then best friends, and then it turned to him telling me he loved me in the parking lot of a coffee shop we both loved.
Tell me why. Why did he feel the need to love me? I didn't want to break his heart, but I knew I would, I always do in the end.

He was smart, and caring, and loving and funny. He was so handsome with his dark skin and black eyes, the way his hair curled made me smile softly when I twirled his curls around my fingers. His smile was so white and bright, and it warmed me up even on the coldest days.

When he kissed me if made butterflies wake up in my stomach, when we held hands my cheeks got hot, and when I looked into his eyes everything was so different, happier... better.

It wasn't long ; but when are things ever long? He was madly in love with me and I was infatuated with him. But I couldn't bare the mere thought of breaking his perfect heart. So I did what I had to do. I ripped the whole thing out of his chest. Breaking his heart would be too painful, but ripping it out was fast, and hopefully painless.

So I drove to his house, mascara running down my cheeks, and walked up his front steps and waited for him to come to the door.

"Are you okay baby?" He asked, touching his hand to my cheek.

"No." was all I said. I told him we were done, i didn't love him anymore.

It was harder than expected, he put up a fight for me, no ones ever done that. He begged me to stay, we can make things work, we could try harder. I just ripped my hand out of his grasped and walked away without looking back at him.

I drove in silence, no radio. It was around midnight I got home, and I climbed into bed and tightly held on to my pillow where the scent of him lingered. I sobbed into it until the sun came around, and stayed there until it would stop hurting. But it never stopped hurting, it hurt so bad I needed it to stop.

I drove to the coffee shop we loved and sat alone, playing back the memories in my head until I couldnt bare it anymore. I walked around my house, emotionless and dull. I was nothing but a walking heartbreak.