Shadow Claw: The Life Story - The Final Chapter

Ch. 26 - What If...

I sat hunched on a warmed hill hill, pooled with dying light and cast over with three shadows.

Jenny opened her mouth to speak, but it closed in time when she realized she had nothing to say. James sighed and remained silent.

I had begun noticing changes that I had been oblivious to previously; James had grown a jawline stubble, his voice had dropped considerably and he had started to notice girls and their assets. As for Jenny... she had a curvaceous body and Draco, and they supported one another now, which I seemed to have been too blind to see before.

So, with all that in mind, I began to speak, "Sometimes I wonder... what if this war had never begun? What if Tom Riddle had never existed?"

The light filters into the lukewarm confines of the rounded cave, a spring breeze stirring the gentle vines that drape its entrance. A laugh, not unlike this breeze, echoes out as two tiny, black paws stretch out to reach the two large muzzles dangling above. "Ma-ma. Da-da." The kitten mewls, frustrated.

Pierce elicits a warm purr and presses his cheek to his daughter's fuzzy belly. "Da-da, noa!" She squeals through giggles as tiny as her paws. Svana gives out a surprised gasp and Pierce's head swings around sharply to ensure her health is in order - the mother smiles, recovered from the ordeal. Her two sons suckle loudly at her still-quite-distended belly, whilst little Shadow begins to cry boisterously, irritated that she's receiving no attention. Her father chuckles, deeply amused, before he rubs his maw along her nimble sides and moves her over to her mother's belly, beside her brothers. "Eat." He murmurs, and so she does.

"And, what if you had been raised as Harry's sister, and not an attic child?" Jenny's eyes casted downwards slowly, saddened by the thought.

"Jenny darling, don't put that in your mouth." Lily scolds gently for what seems like the umpteenth time. The young girl, round and chubby and squirmy at the best of times, sticks her tongue out at her mother and deliberately falls onto her brother, who is knocked from his wooden tricycle and begins to bawl out his eyes. James can't help but laugh and accept the smack he receives from his wife before she lifts Harry up and bounces him in her arms.

He picks lil' Jenny from the wreckage and comforts her affectionately, tweaking her nose and patting her padded bottom. She reaches for his dark, messy hair, tugging at the strands happily. Lily covers her mouth with a few fingers as she giggles childishly, causing Harry to flail around and pout. James blows raspberries on his daughter's chubby tummy, holding her above his head like an adorable idol. Jenny squeals in delight, "Dah!"

A smile crossed James' lips but it faded. I set a hand on his shoulder, "And what if Sirius had been a real father to you?" Jenny gave a half-hearted sniffle, her head falling onto my shoulder. "If he had survived." James rasped out, voice harsh due to the dryness that has overtaken his throat.

"Look at you! Up and walking straight! Remus, come and have a look at this!" Sirius' expression is one akin to a very young child learning of the Tooth Fairy for the very first time. Remus enters, looking tired but still very much alive and healthy, a very young boy with acid green hair nestled within his arms - Teddy. Tonks appears beside him, smiling deeply at little Otto; the young boy smiles just as warmly and walks in a perfectly straight line, right into Sirius' arms. No limp, no stagger, no stumble. James giggles and ruffles his younger brother's hair.

"Dad, look!" Millie gasps. Little Teddy turns his head slowly, only to sidle up closer to Remus and babble incoherent things; his hair begins to turn a sea blue from the very roots and the twins - Remus and Lupin - look on in awe. Otto smiles brightly and James tackles his father, the two of them taking on their dog-like forms and going for the rough-and-tumble, short growls emanating from their maws gleefully. Of course, Sirius' pride is deep, but his love for his children is so very much deeper, so James wins.

This time.

James drew his knees up and placed his head between them. "Shadow. I-... I have something to tell you."

Jenny elicited a hard sob, "No, James- please, you can't- don't tell her-..."

My eyes cast upwards, "Go on." The sun dipped below the horizon, only moments away from complete darkness.

"Otto's dead."

The sun disappeared, snuffed out like a light, like a light that determines the lifespan of a mortal being. My throat and chest constricted and I gritted my jaw, but the tears that escaped got no further than my cheeks, for I rubbed at them violently and shook my head. "Okay." Was all I could say for the moment.

Jenny was furious.

James was devastated.

"I have something of my own to tell you, actually." I croaked out, rolling my sleeves over my hands and looking towards my two closest friends, arguably my only friends. Of course, I had Nova and Hawthorne, and the Weasley's... but they all had each other. I had naught but myself now, and it was all my fault. I didn't feel the loneliness quite yet, however. I was still numb from the whole ordeal of the war.

Jenny and James looked to me, eyes pleading. "I'm leaving." I announced.

"When?" Jenny whispered.

"Tonight."

"How long?" James breathed.

I looked away, not bearing to see their reactions. "Three years, perhaps." Standing, I brushed off the dust and shoved my hands into my pockets. "I need to get away, somewhere I have no reputation, somewhere that I can grieve properly." I paused, sniffing; I felt a cold coming on, "You'll have Nova and Hawthorne, at least. They do know, I'm afraid they've known for quite a while now."

"Why do you do this!? You do this every time, Shadow!!" Jenny cried, but I simply slipped my hands around her in a loving hug, then did the same to James.

With that, I began to walk.

"Where are you going?" Jenny called, sobbing through her words.

"I told you, Jenny. I'm leaving."

"Now?!"

"It is tonight, is it not?" I turned round with a sad smile, only to be hit with Jenny's painful hug. I gripped at her, feeling James cling on to us both, "I miss you already, Shadow." He said hoarsely.

"I'll write to you both. I promise." This was my final word, and the last thing I said to James and Jenny for a very, very long time. I handed them a dirty-white picture booklet and my smile broadened. The title was For a Rainy Day.

Then I continued to walk.

I walked for a long, long time.

And this time, neither James nor Jenny ran after me.