The Girl He Never Noticed

He will never notice me

I listened to the sound of my alarm clock ringing as I had gotten no sleep thinking. Thinking about him. He has no idea who I am. But yet he has been to my house. He's my brother's best friend. But Ryder will never notice me. He's best friends with my friend. Yet never noticed me. I never sleep because I am up all night thinking about him.

I got up from my bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I wash my hair and body while shaving and all that other stuff. As I get out I wrap myself in a towel. I walk out of my bathroom into my room and look for one of my sweatshirts. I put on my underwear and then throw on a plain black sweatshirt hoodie and plain black skinny jeans. I go over to my mirror and sit on the ground while getting out my make up. I just put on concealer, foundation and some mascara. I blow dry my hair and throw it up in a bun. "CAMERON RYDER OFFERED TO PICK ME UP! WANNA RIDE?" My brother Michael yelled from outside my room. "No thanks I'll just walk." I said opening my door and pushing him out of the way so I could go down stairs. "Is mom at 'work' again?" I asked. Our mom says she's at work but i really believe she's just fucking a guy. "Yea." He said getting out a slice of pizza from the fridge. I look at him disgusted. "What do you want to eat?" He asked with the food in his mouth. "Nothing. I'm good." I said. He looked at me in disbelief. "You have to eat something. Remember what the doctor said? You're underweight." "Michael, I'm fine. The doctor just thinks that." I lied. I wasn't fine. I just didn't feel the need to eat. I honestly don't remember the last time I ate. "Okay. As long as you eat we'll be fine." He said ruffling my hair. "Well I'm going to start walking see you at school." I said picking up my backpack and walking out the door.

*AT SCHOOL*
Once I got to school I started looking for my best friend Madison. Once I found her I tugged at her arm. "Madison come on we have to go find him." I said. She followed me as we went over by where the stairs are looking at him. Ryder. He was standing there with my brother and some of his other friends. "Go talk to him already." Said Madison. "No. I can't. I'll just wait until he notices me." I said with tears burning in my eyes. Knowing that he will never notice me. "Okay. And what are you doing tonight?" She asked. I shrugged not taking my eyes off of the brown haired boy. I loved everything about him. "Well, I was wondering I am having a party tonight and I want you to-" I cut her off. "No I'm not going to your party. Because Ryder will be there and you know what happened last time I went to a party." I shiver at the thought. The older male touching me in places I didn't want to be touched. Luckily my brother saved me. "You're right I'm sorry." She said resting her head on my shoulder. The bell rang and we went our separate ways to class.

*AFTER SCHOOL BECAUSE SCHOOL IS BORING AF*

I walked home again avoiding all the cars passing by me. I listened to my music blare through my ears. "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN WHEN YOU PUSH HER AROUND" I yell while listening. I arrive at my house and see Ryder and Michael on the couch. I quickly through my hood over my face and run upstairs to my room. I lock my door and lay on my bed. He's here. In my home. I lay there to process the fact that my crush is in my home. I jump at my phone dinging. It was a texted from Michael asking if I was home and I said yes. I change out of my skinny jeans into my pajama shorts. I look at my scars. I haven't slept in days. I haven't eaten in weeks. I haven't cut in months.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

I get under my bed looking for a little box. I finally got it and look inside. There were my blades. I slowly picked up the shiny cold medal. I pull up my sleeves looking at the raised skin from my old scars. I slowly put the blade to my skin applying pressure, watching the blood arise. I slide the blade across a few more times on both my wrists then on my thighs.

I then wash them off. Knowing my brother will kill me, I wrapped myself up in gauze pads. I sit in the corner of my bed wanting to go down stairs and talk to them, but I can't. It's almost physically impossible for me to talk to him. I sit there thinking to myself for hours. Until I heard the door shut.