I stand in the rain, clutching my failed test paper. My whole life is falling apart in front of my eyes and I can't do anything to save it. What did I do to deserve this?
9:45 AM:
I feel like I just got stabbed in the gut. I know I've never been the best student, but, a 58? That's low. I know my math teacher is just doing this because I blurted out the review answers yesterday. I checked my answers with Greg, and 27/30 were correct. What did I do wrong?
Suddenly, Lindsay, the office assistant, rushes up to me.
"Emma. You're wanted in the front office. Now." She grabs my arm and leads me down the hallway. My heart hammers against my chest. What happened? Is it Dad? Did he get in a wreck? Did Mark and Mom have another fight?
Waiting for me behind the glass doors is Grandma Greene. What has happened?
She hugs me tight. I wait until I can't possibly stand it anymore. I have to ask.
"What happened?" I gasp.
She pulls away. "It's your Grandpa. He's in the hospital," She sobs. "He had another heart attack."
I stop breathing. Tears catch in my throat. Grandpa had been struggling for a long time. Could this be it?
10:10 AM:
We have been waiting for so long. My mother was already there, waiting for us. She was ushered out shortly after we arrived. Grandma Greene went in to check with his doctor. Aunt Monica and Phoebe, and Uncle Chandler, Joey, and Mike, have joined us, along with Mom's sisters. Dad still hasn't showed up. Mom squeezes my hand. I feel like smacking her hand away, keeping it safe by my side, but I don't. Because, obviously, that would be rude.
Grandma appears in the doorway. "He's passed." It's as if she crumbles into little pieces. Her arms shake, tears stream down her face, and she sinks to the floor. Next to me, Mom buries her face in her hands.
All around me, the sobs start. But I am still frozen. I don't register it at first. Then it hits me, hard, at first, then slowly all around my heart. Grandpa Greene is gone. His laughter when he calls Dad 'Wethead', his smile when I tell him about my day, his personality and stubbornness, all gone. It keeps coming back to me, over and over again. He's gone, he's gone, he's gone. It's as if all I knew about him shrinks up and vanishes up in the air. How did this day go so bad so fast?
I don't cry. I wait to cry. Instead I get up and walk out of the room. Everyone looks up, surprised, but I don't care. They will let me be.
Once I am out of their sight, I race down the hospital's narrow hallways. I almost bump into a man in a wheel chair. He looks quite old. He reaches for my hand, but I scream and push it away. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.
Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I really did jump from the roof.
11:37 AM:
Outside, it rains. No one has come looking for me, and I doubt they ever will. I don't care. I cry and cry. I don't cry because I'm sad. I don't think anyone ever does. I think we all cry to release the animal inside us all. There is an animal, but no matter how hard I try, it can't be freed. It's like being me. I try to help my mom, get Dad away from Mona, and keep up my grades at the time. But I can't. I've been struggling for so long. And no one's ever been concerned. It's like I'm trapped inside a glass box that I can never escape from. I can see them and they can see me. But they never do a thing.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around. Mom's eyes look lifeless, helpless. "Lets go," She says.
We walk home, with an umbrella. We don't say a word. We don't want to be comforted. But, deep down inside, I really do. A flashy sports car stops in front of us.
"Hey, Rach!" Mark yells over the rain.
"Mark, now isn't the time." Her tone is pleading. She is on the verge of tears.
"Come on, get in! Let's go get sushi!" He flashes her a smile. "Need company?"
She glares at him. "Mark, another time. I can't right now."
He pulls over and gets out. "Rachel, get in the car!" He grabs her arm. Something inside me snaps. I run and punch his shoulder as hard as I can. It must not work, because he just laughs. "I won't keep her too long, Emma!"
She gazes back at me. I'm sorry, she mouths.
I narrow my eyes. I have helped her many times, but this time, she needs to man up and figure this one out for herself.
As they race away, I go under a cover and cry. My umbrella gives way, and my clothes are soaked through. I stand in the rain, clutching my failed test paper. My whole life is falling apart in front of my eyes and I can't do anything to save it. What did I do to deserve this? I lean against the wall. I used to believe in God, when I was little. Now, that is far from my mind. But, at the same time, it is. Why would such a great God do this to me? Why here? Why now?
Why me?
A voice draws me back to reality. "Emma?"
