So what happened in the last chapter? I wrote this shit almost a year ago - I don't remember. Let's take a look.
Okaaay, I remember. To keep the story classy, let's skip the next five seconds … maybe also a little more... no not really. Just in case there are children under the age of 18 reading this.
Wait … well, if you insist on hearing all the dirty little details - here is the story: we lied on the ground for five fucking seconds fucking. That was it. I didn’t even get the chance to get in the mood. I tried some other sadistic things, but nothing worked. Maaan, he’s really such a Neville! (the one from the first few films, not the hot one now.)
Well, after that I decide that Ashton is no longer useful for me. Actually he wasn't that great in the first place (not only in the first place). So I just leave him behind. Lying on the floor. With a bottle of vodka down. Half dead. Because I maybe cut him a little with my chainsaw.
“Bye!”, I wave as I walk away with my fabulous (now a little bit bloody) chainsaw.
Where do I go now? I should search for Muvi. But she is kind of a bitch and I shouldn't care that much about her. Hmm... what did I want to do again? WAIT! Didn't I have a To-Do-List? Right, let's take a look:
cut myself (deep ... with a CHAINSAW ... made of ... wait ... I don't know what a chainsaw is made of) -------------> I will do that in the last chapter – would be kind of shit if the main character accidentally killed herself halfway through the story
visit Hans' grave ------------> the grave is not in this forest … maybe once I find my way out. Ow, Hans, I miss you so much :´(
be a picture of misery -----------> CHECK
find someone to kill -----------> well, if I really accidentally killed Ashton, the mermaid …. that counts, I guess
if point one kills me I want to have the grave right next to Ashton Irwin (5SOS), who I'll take with me even if he's still alive --------> that's okay, but only if I remember where I left his corpse...
By the time I finish looking at my To-do-List I wonder how the hell I got to the top of this tree. Sitting next to Mickey Mouse. Still manlier than Ashton. Ohh I love his ears they are so … round. and his teeth are so big and his tail ohh he is just perfect!
But wait ... if it has a tail it isn't Mickey Mouse - it's Santa Clause! Awesome, I knew he existed! :D Then he was eaten by a reindeer. Oops! :o I saw Rudolf the red-nose reindeer looking at me hungrily while chewing. Turns out he actually has a red nose because he always eats humans. Well … that sounds logical! I pet his head and climb down the tree again … means, I cut the tree under my feet away with my chainsaw. I set the cut down tree on fire so no one ever finds out I illegally cut down a tree and continue walking north. Or south. Or I don’t know where, I just followed my intuition.
Then a cancer patient crossed my way and died instantly …. I SWEAR, it was not my fault!!! (- it was the fault in our stars!)
After wandering around for a few hours (?) I finally found Muvi! :D She was still a not-so-sexy-as-Jacob-werewolf and busy eating Hermoine. Muvi told me to fuck off. How uncreative!
But suddenly, Hans the Handy appeared! He was alive! Half, at least. He metamorphosed into a Zwombie!!!!!!!!111eleven
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That was it for this chapter! OMFG HANS APPEARED AS A ZWOMBIE!!!! What will happen next? Will Hans be angry at Sena for breaking him? Will Rudolf return and keep on eating humans, or rather switch to eating werewolves? Write a comment to let us know what YOU want to happen!
Also, look forward to our new erotic novel “50 Shades Of Gay”, which will be coming out (of the closet) soon!
FOLLOW US TO FIND OUT!!!! ;DDD :DD ♥♥♥♥ xoxo
