Innocent - A Phan Smut/Love Story Fanfiction

Motives Put To Question

Dan's POV:
Phil had just up and left the room the moment my lips detached from his. I missed his warmth immediately, and my ass was stinging. The cold air didn't help. I could feel every hair on my body reacting to his sudden disappearance. 

I heard him lock the door as he exited. I guess, that meant that he wanted me to stay put. I turned onto my back, trying to get more comfortable. God knows how long he'd be.

My breath caught in my throat and I had to sit up at the thought of just how long he was. My hand reached down to my own, and I suddenly felt incredibly worthless. All I had to my name was a  loose jaw and a meager six inches. I wrapped my arms around my naked body, my knees tucked under my chin, and started to shake uncontrollably.

How could I be so fucking stupid to think that he actually wanted me? A pathetic loner like me? A tear fell and I clutched at my shoulders tighter. My nails dug into my skin, leaving angry red marks in their stead.

Breathe.

I heard Phil messing around in the next room, and wiped at my face. He would be back soon.

Then, he'd have a little fun with me and leave again. Like I was nothing.

Maybe I am nothing to him.

"I can tell when you're depressed. You know that, right?" A voice came from the door. Phil's torso poked through, a small smile on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. He put a small box on the floor by the door, and I heard things rattling around inside as he set it down.

"I'm not depressed!" I cross my arms and turn away, trying to wipe away any stray waterworks without him noticing.

"Ba.... ka!"

Phil breathed on my neck, and I jumped. I fell off the side of the bed, and hit my hip on the side rail.

I landed on my side, and decided to stay there for a minute. "Ow."

"Poor baby," I could hear the smirk in his tone.

"Shut up." I said, covering myself my hands. I don't know why..  He'd already seen me.

He sighed, and I looked away again.

"Tell me what you were thinking about so hard, just now. You looked like you were in pain or something."

Of course he'd fucking ask if I was okay at a time like this! Most people would just jump my bones and get it over with.

But not Phil...

I let out a single laugh, and a pair of hands rested themselves on my shoulders. I didn't realise I was crying again until Phil wiped away the droplets on my cheeks.

"Dan?"

I swallowed. Its no like we'll ever go back to how we were before this anyway, so who gives a fuck if he thinks I'm disgusting now?

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

I can't do this. "Nothing." I sighed, and sat back down on the bed. I grabbed the bottle of lube, and a few condoms from my bedside. "Let's just get this over with. I'm tired."

The look on Phil's face was heartbreaking, but I told myself I didn't care.

I don't care.

He doesn't, so why should I?

"Dan-"

"If you're not gonna go through with it, then get the fuck out. I said I'm tired." I snapped, and threw the bottle at him, before turning away.

I waited for him to leave. He wasn't. He was just standing there.

"Why aren't you leaving?" I said, still not looking at him.

"Because I've spent years flirting with you, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna pass up sex." He laughed nervously, and sighed. I felt him sit on the bed. "But... I'm not cruel enough to force you, Dan. If you don't want to, then just say, and I'll forget this night ever happened."

God, I want it to happen. I wanted to scream it at him. I want you to stay, and fuck me until I forget my name. I want to suck your dick until I can't breathe anymore. I want to have those awkward silences in the morning, and waking up in a cold bed, wondering where you went.

But I didn't say any of that. I didn't say anything at all.

He stood up again. "I won't touch you until you tell me to."

And then he left.