breathe

Chapter 2: School

I pulled up my tights and brushed through my hair it was 6:50, I had to leave for school so I wasn't late I already missed time off because I didn't turn up.

My mum does love me, and I know we argue allot, but I should cut her some slack she did loose someone she truly loves.
She left me a note saying that were going out for a meal later, with five pounds for lunch not that i'll eat anything but just in case.

Walking Into the school bus for the first time was so embarrassing. I don't think I've ever been so red, everyone was laughing and pointing, and when I got off people through food at me. I went straight to the toilet to clean myself up, but red source was all down my clothes.
I stayed in the toilets having a panic attack until the bell went but nothing I could do would make the feeling I was having go away..

I took a breath and went un noticed walking into the class room, well... Until Alice Walgreen came in with her pet sheep following after, she was everything I could ever wish for - drop dead gorgeous, her figure was perfect , hair flowed perfectly and she was so smart there's a whole list.

They scanned the room and they stared right at me I covered my face but it was too late as they started walking over to me I began to pick my bags up to leave. " Omg, Sophie long time no see" I went to move out her way but she placed her hand on the wall, and two of the girls stood either side of her, not letting me passed.

"Uhumm... Were do you think your going, oh that's write back in your chair." She pushed me back down with a force, "Alice please ... Not again".
" poor poor Sophie begging for help. Well you better beg harder this is gonna be a lonngg year.(sarcasticly laughed)" She walked over to her seat, as another two girls stood by the door and triped me up, as I walked past.
Everyone started to notice me, they got there phones out to take pictures and videos.

As I began to pick up my books, two brown boots stood in my eyesight. They were old and riped, shoes I could never forget ... Why?... Because they were the shoes that belonged to my best friend Catherine.
I looked up as red as a strawberry "don't worry I've got it!" She picked up the rest of my stuff and gave me a hug, to then tell everyone to stop looking and to go away. Of course everyone did because it's Catherine, the fear can be smelt of people for miles.

"Thanks Cath, what would I do without you." I smerked, Miss.Rosemary walked over and asked if I was okay of course I said yes, or my Life would become so much Worse for sniching.

The day went past quite quickly, it was already lunch before I new it, I spent the money that my mum gave me on a salad bowl and a drink of water. "YO girlies" it was meme or Megan, she is my other best friend, I couldn't be without the pair of them, they're everything to me they are the only people that have been here for me. We did our casual handshake we have to do every time we meet, "Hey" I said it quietly but quite cheerful, I didn't want her to know how I really felt inside because it hurts me to know she's upset because of me.

"How is my baby girl, haven't seen you in ages, everything alright?" Of course I replied with a lie I know it's wrong but it's too hard to express how I feel. "I've been good just reading". Our conversation wasn't long because the bell went to go to the next period, I quickly went to the toilets to wipe my face with cold water and clean my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw what everyone says about me. I really am fat, what am I, I rushed into the cubicle and forced myself to be sick , after flushing the toilet I heard a group of girls come in, so I quickly closed the door without locking it and didn't make a sound.

"She makes me want to be sick" Alice's voice spoke "yeah like seriously what is she , that isn't human" Isabella another girl in the group replied. "Talking of the devil" my eyes widened as I realised my bag was left in the sinck. " Lets tip it all out!" Everyone replied with a laugh as Alice screamed "Dirty whore... We know your in here."
They banged open the first door and then the second one after the other until... "Whoope, found you"
"What you doing all alone, don't you have..." She paused for a minute "of course you don't what sort of question was that going to be. She then repeatedly smashed my head against the wall, dragging me out by my feet, they all teared into me like the main meal for lions. Each kicking me and punching me until I was blue.

Leaving me bloody on the floor not caring, as if nothing happened. I had no one to help me I couldn't shout for help, it hurt to much. I left the school premises as quickly as possible not telling anyone, I limped the whole way home with blood running down the side of my head. My tears were uncontrollable, I hate crying were people can see so this was new for me.
Each step felt like a mile, I finally got home. My mum opened the door with a surprise to see me standing there, she didn't know what to do. Holding my hands out to her she hugged me so tight, it was the first hug we've had in months maybe even years. I didn't want it to end, she brought me inside and cleaned me up.

"What happened to you? Tell me everything!!" So I did, it was hard to speak and I took my time, but I didn't care we had an actual moment without shouting at eachother. She told me how everything was going to be okay and change,she's going to go to rehab,and it's going to be a new beginning. I liked the sound of it, I felt happy getting everything of my chest and having a real mother daughter talk.

I fell asleep to her stroking my hair, and singing the song she used to sing to me as a baby.

There isn't a day that goes past that doesn't have something bad happen in it...

Waking up not long after, my head hurt allot and so did my stomach I took pain killers, not realizeing Miles was there. He breathed heavily on my neck stroking me from my neck down my chest and further. "Get your dirty hands of me!" I grabbed his hand and through it walking out slowly. "You know you want me Soph. I know it as well" he makes me feel so small and worthless.

My mum kept coming in and checking on me but all I did is sit in the same place looking at a blank screen for hours hoping she thought I was okay, I was a little but happy knowing I'm gonna get my old mum back. Miles said he would watch me for a bit, but it wasn't to be nice he only did it to ruin my life even more.

"Hey princess, look at your smashed up head , nawhh, what happened" he didn't care about me at all . Stroking my hair he kissed me, I moved my head I didn't talk, I didn't look at him not even for a second. Moving my laptop he jumped on top of me holding my hands together.
"Get the hell off me!!" Slapping me around the face he got up.
"Nawh your not in the mood..."
Aggressively he nocked down everything on my desk and flipped my bed over."WHAT WAS THAT?" My mum screamed up the stairs. "Nothing she just fell it's okay" Walking out the room like it was nothing. I picked up everything and as I did I found a small blade on my floor, picking it up I did four lines on my wrist. It was means love - four letters four lines for the meaning I'll never have.

The promises my mum made to me was all list, I shouldn't have thought I'll get the old her back at all. I walked downstairs to get a snack, and she was injecting herself with heroin, "I knew it wouldn't last long seriously, all the things we were talking about was all to make you look good!" She couldn't even look at me for two seconds. Not being able to speak properly she mumbled "I... I will get help... It's ... Hard" I didn't care what she had to say I got my food and went back upstairs.

I went on my group chat with Cath and meme for a little while. They were saying how I should write my thoughts and feelings about everything that happens.
So I did, it was hard at first - I had too much to write. "Ugh fuck. I can't even do the easiest thing."

I decided to go to bed early, not that I had much sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about Alice and her girls. The pounding in my head was starting to feel unbearable. But I couldn't wake up I was trapped in a nightmare, the thought of going to school tomorrow scared me...

But I guess I have to see what happens next.