breathe

Chapter 3: Him!

The questions I have circleing in my head every minute of every hour of ever day, is making me ill. I can't stop thinking about the last couple days, like - why me? Why them? What's wrong with me?... The list can go for miles.

I hate calling myself depressed but I think it is about time to let myself know what I am. The cutting has got worse and I've started to drink and take pain killers to try and heal the pain that I'm feeling mentally, knowing it won't work, but I tell my brain anyways.

It's crazy to think that I've gone from being a bright young girl who love and lives life with every second. To wanting to leave the earth as quickly, as possible and wishing I was never born.

My mum has gone to her same ways and Miles is drinking allot and being abusive to my mum and coming in every night , and... Well doing his thing.
I can't get away from anything if I leave the house people follow or say things. School makes me feel unsafe, so sleeping is the only hours that make me feel okay and happy.

I took a walk down to the local shop to get milk for my coffee, I heard a voice behind me say "Sophie, Hey wait up" I didn't know the voice at first, so my anxiety levels went sky high. I zipped my coat and tidyed my hair a little, I slowly turned around to see who it is. My cheeks went so rose and my eyes widened, it was Daniel Humphrey... I didn't know if I should quickly turn around and keep walking or....

"Oh. Hi Daniel,what you doin here" I tried to be normal and not make a fool at of myself but it didn't go very well . He laughed and said I moved into the house over there, he pointed to the house just across the road. "I live just there, guess we're neighbours then" I looked at the floor and tucked my hair behind my ear 'crap what am I doing' deciding in my head what to say next he nudged my shoulder.

"Ugh, I saw what happened the other day with Alice." At this point I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. "Ohh you saw that, it doesn't matter..." He interrupted me "No Sophie it does, who has the right to do that especially a girl like you"
"Yeah a worthless human..." I couldn't look at him in the eye because I knew he was looking the whole time.

"No, a beautiful loving girl like you" my heart began to pump out of my chest, a guy like him shouldn't like a girl like me!. The convosation went on for a couple hours, he listened to me, understood me like no one else does. I walked away smiling, I never smile but for this reason it deserved a smile. We exchanged numbers and he called me straight away watching me walk to the shop making sure I was okay.

The second I got home I texted him and I told him things that no one else knew, my trust in him was so strong. The shakes of happiness was scary I thought I was having a mini fit or something, and all I could do was scream into the pillow and laugh... I actually laughed properly just from being happy.

To calm myself I did my makeup and hair to pampered myself a little, I took some pictures because I thought I looked nice, and posted it on Facebook but the comments had to start roling in, 'you look ugly' - 'take it down' - 'kill yourself.

Those two words circled in my head, for a minutes as I stared blankly into the mirror, holding back the tears I wiped away my makeup and let down my hair. The anger got to me, so I punched the mirror, hating what was standing infront of me. Blood began to drip from my hand, but I didn't care I deserve to feel pain.

Using the glass on my floor, my thighs had more art work added to it . At this point I wanted to die, thinking maybe it will make me happier. But I didn't, I ignored everything around me and spent time reading one of my favourite books 'hide and seak' meme showed it to me so I thought I'll try it as I never read. As a child I did but times change and people change, leaving the mess behind them.

It was hard to concentrate on anything, he was the only thought in my head.

Meme and Cath called me on skype, and I talked to them about it. "How could a guy like ... Him, speak to a girl like me. I'm so" I went into a low moment but they cheered me up. "Perfect and caring and gorgeous" meme said "yeah, I would die to look like you" Cath said getting annoyed by my thoughts of myself.

Daniel Humphrey...

One of the most popular boys in the school. His golden tan, and greeny blue eyes, and don't forget about his flipped back hair. He's everything I look for, his personality fits mine and ugh... It will never happen.

Ending the call I went into my wardrobe and searched for my small bottle of vodka, and packet of pain killers, I slowly started to drink and took four tablets with it. I wanted to drown my sorrows but there's too many.

My mind went everywhere and I I was seeing double, and It made me feel better. Thinking it was a good idea I text Alice, telling her I was going to beat her up and argued with her.

But of course that wasn't a good idea and she posted things all over he instagram and snapchat, she even posted fake nude pictures of me and everyone tested me saying how I'm ugly in every way possible and I'm vile.

I began to shake and this time it's not because of happiness, it's because of fear and I couldn't breathe I was having a panic attack and I didn't know what to do. I have no one, I put my head under cold water and that helped a bit, but my breathing was still heavy, and I couldn't believe what I just did.

Things are gonna get worse...
I thought they were bad now but everything is on my back at the moment and I can't deal with all the stress.

I have no one!

(Sorry this one isn't as long, I would rather do short chapters, so you don't forget and it doesn't get boring.)❤👑