You're a Dork- Clexa College AU

Chapter Fifteen: 'Keep them safe'

LEXA POV:

"Is it just me or has one month gone way too quickly?" Raven spoke up after all of us had been sitting in silence for over half an hour in Wells' apartment , deep in thought as we sat there the night before Wells was set to deploy. I watched as Clarke watched our soldier boy sleeping peacefully on his couch, Sasha sitting beside him..just staring at the boy whilst lovingly stroking his cheek.

"Way too quick" Octavia answered, walking over and taking the hand of the engineering student "He won't be home for Thanksgiving"

Octavia observed, I saw Bellamy wince at the realisation. His hair was mess, his face damp with the rain having just arrived. Or maybe it was tears, I wasn't sure at this point. He stood tall, his arms crossed and his muscles tense, but his dark eyes showed a softness I had never noticed before. He looked like a scared kid. He hadn't even said a word since he walked through the door, then again, no one had said all too much. None of us knew what to say.

My eyes once again drifted to Clarke, who had an unreadable expression on her face. It was like as she was staring at Wells, she had realised something. That and the mixture of pain and fear in her eyes scared me to death, but next thing I knew those winter icy blue eyes were staring into mine, and everything just seemed to stop as the ice melted and tears fell. 

"Clarke-" I began, taking a step towards her when she cut me off.

"I need to talk to you" She croaked, taking my hand and leading me into the nearby bathroom, closing the door behind us. 

"Clarke, what's going on?" I asked, growing concerned at the way she shuffled nervously from foot to foot, running a stressed hand through her hair.

"I want you to come home with me for Thanksgiving" She blurted out suddenly. I froze, staring right at her without moving an inch. She was suggesting that I meet her family. Her mother. My brain raced almost as fast as my heart with thoughts of what that could mean. If it meant she and I were serious. If she brought all her partners home to meet her family. And if she didn't, why was I different.

"I-I don't think this is the time or the place to have this conversation Clarke.." I stalled, feeling the nerves rise in my body at the thought of getting hurt again. At the thought of me getting attached not only to her but to her family only to be tossed aside like some old toy.

"Lexa I'm falling for you" She confessed breathlessly. Now that got me. I knew what I wanted to say. I knew how I wanted to respond. And even though she wasn't saying she loved me, that line told me that she thought she could love me. And my god did that scare me. Love had never worked out for me, not once. So the thought of somehow losing Clarke because of love...I couldn't even think about it.

"We've only been dating about a month.." I managed to say. Unsure of how to respond without exposing myself to more heartache.

"Listen to me" She started, walking towards me and cupping my face with her hands "I'm not saying I love you, Lexa. I'm saying that I want you. I want you and I-I only want you. There is no one else right now but I'm not saying I love you so please...just come to Arkadia with me. I know you're afraid, but I'm not going to hurt you like Costia did, okay? I just...I just know one thing right now, and that is that I am falling for you, Alexandria Woods and even if it takes you the entire semester to let yourself fall for me too...then I'm willing to wait..I know what you believe. What you said that night.."

"Love is weakness" I murmured to let her know I knew what she was referring to.

"Yeah..that. I know that after all you've been through you must think it to be true, but it's not, okay? You deserve to feel loved and I don't care if I'm not the one sleeping in your bed in fifty years, or ten, or even one year all I care about is proving that love is strength...I may not be in love with you, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be loved. I want to come out of the closet to my family, because I don't want to hide this amazing thing we've started" She whispered, her lips so close to my ear that I could feel her hot breath against my lips, making me shiver in the best way. She wanted to come out. Because of me. For me. She wanted me bad enough to do that. She cared for me enough to take that jump. She cared for me.