Sa'eed - The Warrior

Bittersweet

Sharp knocking at the door wakes me up. I sit on the cot and rub my eyes. "Open the door", Maa says from beside me. I nod and pull a dupatta to cover my head while moving to the door.

"Who is it?" I inquire before opening.
"Seher", comes the reply.

I open the door and welcome her inside.

"Assalamualaikum warahmathullahi wabarakatuh", she says.
"Walaikumassalam warahmathullahi wabarakatuh", I reply sleepily.
"It's almost noon child and you are still sleeping?"
"If only she rested well during the night", Maa comments from her cot.
"Why? Aren't you sleeping well at night? Do you want Hakeem Hamid to make a seeping draught for you?" asks Seher Khala.
"No, I am perfectly alright. I was doing some work last night that is why I couldn't sleep. Not because I am having trouble sleeping", I say quickly. I pull a chair for her beside Maa's cot. "Take a seat Seher Khala".

"You sent a word through Jamal that you needed more herbs. It was only yesterday that you took a new batch from me. What did you do with them?"
Jamal was her son.
"I had to use them on someone else Khala"
"My daughter never gets tired of helping people. She will give up her life to save another's. I worry for her Seher. If she continues like this she will forget herself amidst the people who seek her help. Her own personality will be lost to be replaced by their thoughts. She doesn't live her life for herself, not a single moment. How I wish to see my daughter live her life for herself", a tear rolls down her cheek. I simply hate to see her cry.

"Maa don't, please don't", I say wiping away her tears. Seher Khala runs her hand over her forehead while I get a glass of water. I help her drink.

"I will freshen up and get warm water to give Maa a sponge bath. Please keep her company till I return". She nods and I move to the back door.

"Don't worry about her Haleema. She is a responsible girl. She knows how to look after herself", I hear Seher Khala say.
"I know that Seher. In fact I am very proud of her. I didn't mind her out of the normal ways when her father was alive. Now that he isn't here to look out for her I want her to become the same as every other girl, get married and settle down. No matter what everyone says I know I don't have long to live. I don't want to leave her alone in this selfish world. Sometimes I fear even she will be taken away from me like her father". Her tears are back. Standing by the door hidden in the curtain I can't help as my tears flow as well. My heart squeezes with pain.

Now I understood my Maa's pains. She wanted me to live my life and enjoy it on front of her eyes. She despaired over the fact that I had no one to shower the love of a father over me while she herself was bed ridden. The love of a mother had blinded her. She could see no one but me. Her life was made of no one but me. She no longer cared if I worked to save the kingdom. She cared for nothing except give me every blessing I had been deprived of. She was filled with guilt. The guilt of not having given me a better quality of life.

"Relax Haleema. Unfounded fears will make your life more miserable. Why will anyone take away your daughter from you? She is all yours and she is right here. If she likes to help people then let her. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact it's an amazing quality to have. You have a selfless daughter in this selfish world. Allah loves the people who give and blesses them with the best. Rest assured that your daughter will also be blessed with the best".

Thankfully Maa has stopped crying. A heavy feeling of sadness settles on my heart. On one side is my mission which I cannot give up. On the other hand is my mother who fears for me and wants me to settle down. I miss Abbuji. I can't differentiate between my tears and the water as I take bath. O Allah! Guide me please. Make ways for me, I pray as I dress myself. I fill a basin with warm water and take a sponge.