"So this is basically the main room where all the people 'chill' I guess I mean as chill as it gets in a mental hospital." he said. His voice was just so... soothing. "If you don't know we're having a meeting tomorrow at 10 a.m. This is the room we meet in" Wow. It was so pretty, it was like a sun room.
"Woah this place is actually really cool" i said. There was alot of cool art that i really don't know how to explain. "So this is where we meet?" i asked.
"Yeah this is basically for suppourt group. People out of the um, home, come here too. So when you get released you still come for suppourt group. You have... anxiety? right? Sorry for sking if thats to personal."
"Nah its not don't worry about it. Yeah i do have anxiety." Let me tell you about anxiety. It fucking sucked. It wasn't like seizures or anything thats how people think it is. It's basicaly your mind going crazy. Sometimes you'd shake and black out. Some people say they have anxiety for pity but I'm not one of those people. When I was younger, I used to shake so bad during school that my teachers had to send me too the nurse. Sometimes I'd even pass out. Kids would make fun of me but they didn't realize that sometime in their life, they would have anxiety too. That was in 5th grade and it still happens. My friends back then were Jordan, Natalie and Kevin. Its funny how nothings changed. Of course all the kids that made fun of me eventually got their asses kicked by Nat. She didn't have teal hair back then she had blonde wavy hair. But, she wasn't scared of anything. She even got suspended once and still goes to detention because of it. She's smallbut she's a fighter. Jordan was always the one to walk me down to the nurses office. She's still such an amazing friend and i never ever want to lose her. Kevin was always there. When i woke up in the nurses office, he was there. Some times it was so bad i was even in the hospital. He'd walk me home from school because i was too scared about what the oter kids would say. You see I'm god at fighting for other people but i am not one to fight for myself. All of them have always been there for me.
"Well theres a class for anxiety prevention. We'll be in that class together too. I know this might be really personal.. but do you self harm?" I hated this question because yes i did self harm and i wish i didn't. I don't know why i can't stop but it feels like i have too in some odd way.
** FLASH BACK TO A YEAR AGO**
I lay there crying in bed. I just really ddnt know what to do anymore. I"m falling apart as we speak. One by one.. I'm slowly drifting. What was i going to do? I completly hate myself i just couldn't do it anymore. Kevin was calling me over and over again after i left his house bawling my eyes out. I don't know why i was crying so much, maybe its because i think to much. I think about my dad leaving over and over again.. Danny dying. It was just too much. How kid's would beat me up. Why couldn't I fight for myself? I was in my bathroom when i took the razor blade and made the first harsh mark on my wrist. The door flew open. "KENDALL STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" it was kevin. He grapped the blade out of my hand and threw it to I don't even know where. I fell on the floor crying. I hated crying infront of people. It showed weakness.
"IM NOT WORTH IT STOP STOP I CAN'T DO ITANYMORE" he then sat on the floor with me and held me close. He was crying i could hear it. I was shaking and crying but Kev held me. He held me close. I began to calm down a little. He grabbed my hang and put it over my heart.
"Do you feel that Ken?" It was my heart beating. "it's called purpous. You're here for areason. PLease never ever give up ever." Eventually i stopped crying and i geuss Keving carried me to bed. I feel asleep with my head on his chest and woke up the next morning to the sound of his heart beat. Themost beautiful sound is somebodies heart beat. "I love you Kendall, don't forget that." how'd he know i was awake?
"Thank you Kev. I love you so much."
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"Yes i do self harm." I felt the tears in my eyes. Collin wapped me up in hug.
"It's going to get better Kendall i promise." It felt nice being hugged.
