Disabled.

Eight

Eight

Nadia lay in her bed that night, unable to sleep as what had happened with Mason repeated in her mind over and over again, like an unstoppable cycle. She couldn't deny that she was grateful for his help.

If it wasn't for him, she would probably have been left on the ground until the end of the day when her mother would arrive to pick her up. With a labored attempt, she turned herself around so that she was facing the window and immediately, she saw the rain.

She allowed herself to be absorbed in the sound of the rain for a few moments, allowing herself to forget that she was in her half paralyzed body and instead, back to the body she had taken for granted before the accident. During those moments, she allowed herself to fantasize what life would have been like if Jackson was still alive.

If he was still there, she wouldn't have been paralyzed nor would she have to deal with the constant bullying and feeling like an outsider—an alien.

It was at that moment, as that thought flashed through her mind, when her eyes filled with tears which immediately streamed down her face. And once again, she found herself asking,

Why did it have to be me? Why did I have to survive?

---

The next day, Nadia wheeled herself towards the dining room after her mother had helped her with her morning routine. As she approached the silent room, she remembered what it had felt like when she didn't have to rely on her mother for something as simple as a shower. She looked down at her lap, at her legs which had now become useless.

But before she could continue to dwell on her negative thoughts, her father walked up to her and bent down to be at her level.

"Good morning sweetheart," he said to her, smiling. She forced a smile onto her face before replying,

"Good morning." 

And although she had tried to make her tone sound positive, she couldn't hide the fact that her true feelings had been reflected in her tone. Her father's smile immediately disappeared as a look of worry took over.

"Is everything alright Nadia?" he asked. She was tempted at that moment to tell him everything that had happened; how her friends had cast her aside as an outsider, how she was constantly bullied and how her name had now been replaced with the word handicap.

But in that moment as her father was looking at her expectantly, she couldn't find any words to say. And instead, tears fell. She felt pathetic being unable to say or do anything.

Maybe she really was a handicap...

---

She didn't go to school that day.

After she had calmed down, her father had talked to her mother and they had both agreed that she should stay home, coming to the consensus that she was having a hard time and could use a break.

She spent the morning at home in her room, just looking out of the window, as her mother worked in her home office after her father had left for work. Since her paralysis, her mother had found a new job where she could work from home and help her. She felt guilty thinking of how her mother had to stop doing the work she loved just because of her.

She was still crying as these multiple thoughts filled her mind.

She felt utterly useless.

Thinking that she should use the washroom, she attempted to sit in her wheelchair by herself, something she had never done. But she thought that if she was able to do at least that one thing, she wouldn't be so useless. But of course, she couldn't do it. And instead, she landed on the floor.

After recovering from the initial pain which had radiated through her body, she used her arms to crawl towards the bathroom as her tears continued to stream down her face. She remembered some of the negative things she had heard since she had been paralyzed:

Handicap

Loser

Useless

Good for nothing

The one word handicap which she had heard multiple times repeated in her mind over and over again. And as she crawled to the bathroom, she thought to herself,

There's only one way to not be a handicap

When she reached the bathroom, she pushed herself high enough to reach one of her bottles of pills. She opened it and looked at the white capsules as her heart beat rapidly.

There's only one way,

she repeated in her mind as she poured the contents of the container into her hand, not caring how much she poured. And as soon as she had an amount which she thought was enough, she put all of the pills in her mouth and tried to swallow but she couldn't. There were too many pills and her mouth was too dry.

But even though she knew that, she tried again and again and again and again, until her bedroom door opened to reveal her mother carrying a tray of snacks. And as soon as her mother saw Nadia in the bathroom, surrounded by pills the tray that she had been holding fell from her hands as she rushed to her.

"Nadia!" she screamed as she ran to her baby girl. But before Nadia could say anything, her vision went black and she passed out.

Upon noticing, her mother rushed to her room to grab her cellphone and immediately dialed 9-1-1, telling them their location and the situation. As soon as she was assured that someone was on the way, she left her room to return to Nadia but the door bell rang and stopped her.

Reluctantly, she ran to the door and opened it, expecting it to be the ambulance. But when she opened it and only saw a boy who looked to be around her daughter's age, she finally broke down.

"Are you alright ma'am?" the boy asked, bending down to kneel on the floor since she had sat down, her legs feeling too weak to support  her.

"My daughter," was all she said.

"Nadia? What's wrong with her?"

Before she could ask the boy how he knew Nadia and what he was doing there, the ambulance finally arrived and she went with them to get Nadia.

Her mother watched as the emergency responders placed Nadia onto a stretcher before rushing to the ambulance where the boy opened the back and helped them to put her inside. She was so distraught that she didn't take the time to thank him for his help. But as she was about to enter the ambulance, the boy stopped her.

"Can I come with you?" he asked. She looked at him, unsure of how to reply.

"I'm a friend."

***

A/N:

After an eternity, this story has finally been updated (lol). Thank you very much for reading another chapter of this story. It must be frustrating having to wait so long for an update but it was just as frustrating for me not to be able to write because of writer's block. Anyway, enough about me, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'd really like to know your thoughts about this chapter or the story in general. And I'll be updating soon (hopefully).

~candysweet101

[edited - 2019/06/30]