Disabled.

Thirteen

Thirteen

The next day, Nadia chose to stay in bed. She couldn't bear the thought of getting out of bed and seeing Mason's cousin after what had happened. She didn't know how she would react if she saw her and because of that, she refused multiple times when her nurse asked her if she wanted to get up. Instead, she spent her morning looking out of the window until she heard the door open behind her. 

Slowly, she turned around for find her mother and the psychotherapist walk into the room. Her mother rushed to her and hugged her tightly. But Nadia didn't hug her back. She remained still until her mother pulled away.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier, I didn't know how to face you after what had happened. I just─I felt like I had failed as a mother for you to try to take your life. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be a better mother to you, Nadia." 

As Nadia heard her mother's words, she began to cry and decided to finally hug her back. She cried in her mother's arms as she said,

"It's not your fault mom. I'm sorry for trying to kill myself, I didn't know what I was doing, I just didn't want to keep dragging everyone down with me," she confessed.

"You weren't dragging me down, sweetheart. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way." 

The two continued to hold onto each other as they cried. The psychotherapist stayed quietly in the room until her mother turned around to face her, wiping away her tears.

"I'm sorry, Elisa. I almost forgot that you were here." But the psychotherapist shook her head, while a small smile appeared on her lips.

"No need to apologize. But do you mind if I ask Nadia a question?" Her mother shook her head before she made eye contact with Nadia.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question while your mother is here?" she asked Nadia, to which she shook her head.  

"What made you think you were dragging people down?" 

Nadia remained silent for a few moments, looking from the psychotherapist to her mother before looking away.

I was always 'the handicap' at school, she wanted to say but she refrained herself and instead said,

"At school, I felt like I was behind everyone. I didn't feel like I could be on the same level as anyone." She nodded her head at Nadia's words as she took down a few notes. And when she looked back up she asked,

"Did anyone ever say something about your wheelchair?" 

Nadia slowly nodded her head, her hand balling into a fist.

"What meaning do you associate with your wheelchair?" 

That question brought up memories of Jackson immediately. She thought of how the mention of her wheelchair always sent her mind to a time with him. And although they were sometimes good memories, for the most part, it reminded her of what had happened on the day that she lost him. 

She was brought back to reality when she felt a tear fall onto her hand. She looked down at the small wet spot as her mother handed her a tissue.

"Does your wheelchair remind you of the accident?" the psychotherapist asked, her voice sounding as if she was being careful with her words. Nadia swallowed the lump which had began to form in her throat and nodded her head slowly.

"Seeing how you reacted like that to my question, I can tell that that day holds a very deep meaning to you. But at the same time, you are unable to move on and it is holding you back. I'm not going to tell you to forget about it but if you want to be able to live a productive life, you will have to let it go at some point. I suggest that you try to do that slowly, as soon as you can."