It's A Pirates Life For Me

Chapter Four - Regrets

One year ago, Raven Black had let Adam Callas walk out of her life, for what she thought was forever. Normally, she would have shot anyone that tried to leave her crew without permission or reason. But, that trigger was never pulled.

The new Captain of the Black Bird had just started to spread rumors about her. Not that anyone knew she was a female at that point. That little secret was spilled because of dear old Adam.

Raven had been a kitchen maid, foolishly in love with the First Mate of the most feared pirate captain in all Seventeen Seas. But, the night that very captain was killed by Raven herself, things changed.

"To our new Captain!"

For the first week or so, the crew was reluctant to accept Raven as their leader. But, now that she was out of that dank kitchen, she was free to speak her mind and win over her crew.

The dinning room was packed with the entire crew. More than three quarters of them drunk. But, Raven couldn't keep that smile off her face. This was her new home, these people were her family. And she found herself actually happy about it.

Ingrid, the head cook and herbalist from her days in the kitchens, plopped down next to her, obviously a little intoxicated. Ingrid was probably one of the only people she felt she could confide in. The Witch Hybrid was a kind soul, you just had to look hard enough.

"Look what I found, Captain." Ingrid leaned over and pressed a hat on top of Raven's head. Raven reached up to feel that it was a captain's hat. She grinned at her friend.

"A little bit feminine for Captain Legar?" she asked, adjusting the fine hat atop her head. The soft black material, red velvet inside, and a large ebony feather, it suited her look perfectly.

"That's exactly what I thought. It suits you much better," Ingrid said before taking a gulp from her ale. She slammed the mug back on the bar, void of liquid. How many drinks had that been now. How drunk was she to have gone into the old Captain's quarters in search of a hat? Young Raven laughed at the thought. "What's so funny?"

Before the Captain could answer, Ingrid had walked away, making eyes at the nearest handsome crew member. Raven sighed out a laugh and looked back at the still half full mug of ale in front of her on the bar. She never had much of a taste for the stuff, but maybe that would change. What she could use was a decent glass of wine.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the door swing open, then shut, someone slipping outside. She recognized the charcoal locks of her male friend and followed his trail without a second thought.

It was much cooler out on deck than the stuffy dinning room of the ship. She gulped down the salty sea air, enjoying the feel of the breeze on her skin.

Looking around the large deck, her green eyes landed on a male leaning on the railing. He looked out onto the bay, moonlight reflecting off the water and sand. Carladam was known for it's beautiful waters. Their beaches' sands were almost white. But instead, they were like pearls.

Sucking in a breath, Raven walked up beside the male, standing at the railing with him.

She stood beside him silently. She felt that words weren't really necessary. But, Adam Callas spoke anyhow. "Shouldn't you be celebrating with your crew?"

Raven paused for a minute before answering, gripping the railing. "There's nothing to celebrate. I'm a murderer."

§

Adam Callas was finally forced to look at his Captain, even if he had been avoiding it. And he regretted it immediately afterwards. She was impossible not to look at. Her ebony hair fell around her shoulders, dark against the white lace of her blouse. The curls shinned in the moonlight, and with how close they were standing, he could pick up the scent of citrus. But the thing he noticed most of all, were the tears in her eyes.

Her words surprised him. She was his friend, right? They had been friends of sorts since she came to the Black Bird. He would visit her in the kitchens before she became... this. She had ruthlessly murdered a man a week ago, and yet she still looked like she could go back to the Nobles any day.

"Yes, I'm afraid you are," he said, looking back down at his hand on the railing. "And there's nothing you can do about it now."

The gaze she threw him was so sharp, he should have been cut in half. "How is that supposed to make me feel better?" she snapped.

Adam couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'm just trying to help you accept the truth. Because the faster you do that, the faster you can move on to better things." Her expression flicked for a moment, but she still looked rather mad.

"But how can I accept the fact that I ended someone's life? I can still feel the blood on my hands, Adam." Her voice got quieter with every word, until his name was only a whisper that sent a shiver down his spine.

"Everyone feels that, Raven." After a moments hesitation, he took one of her hands on the railing and flipped it over. "It's going to be all right, because these hands are capable of so many things better than murder."

Raven looked down at their hands, her lips slightly parted. She stayed like that for a moment before meeting his gaze, her eyes intense with some emotion he couldn't place. "But that's the problem. I liked the feeling of having his life in my hands. And it terrifies me..," she whispered.

He wasn't thinking straight, he'd had some ale earlier. He had a different goal tonight than comforting Raven. Before he could think to stop himself or her, he wrapped his arms around her and she wrapped her arms around his torso. He buried his nose in her hair. "It's going to be all right," he repeated, and let her cry.

§

Raven noted his coat smelt like salt and the tang of metal. But she didn't care. She let the tears fall. And fall. Until she didn't know what she was crying about anymore. What a fool she had been. Falling in love with someone she could never have... because she was a monster.

She pictured a different future for them. Where if she had stayed as a worker in the kitchen with Ingrid, where she hadn't crossed that line. Where her and Adam could have fallen in love in their own time, on their own terms. Where she was saved by Adam from that kitchen. They could have run away from the Black Bird and lived a happy life away from their past troubles.

Raven cried until she had no more tears left. Until she was to worn out to care that she was still being held by Adam. Her eyes drifted downwards to the wood boards of the deck. He spotted a pack sitting at the First Mate's feet.

She took a step back out of his arms. He looked down at her in questioning. His eyes asking if she was alright.

"You're going to leave aren't you?" she asked. His eyes suddenly turned sad, and that was her answer. "Y-you can't." She hated to sound weak, but she wouldn't let him leave.

"Raven, you don't understand. I have to-" But she interrupted him.

"No, you can't leave, Adam," she said more forcefully. "You are bound to this ship by magic. Everyone is. You know that." She looked down at the swirling ink on her arm. She called it a curse. But, she was only one that could break it. But she wouldn't tell him that.

"I know. And you're going to break the curse for me." He held out his arm, the swirling in that formed a black bird stared at her.

"No, I'm not." Whatever he said was not a good enough reason for him to leave her crew. "So you just planned on getting me to erase your mark and then abandoning me? Thank you for your thoughtfulness."

"Raven, that's not what-"

"Just go!" she yelled, pointing at the dock. "I won't stop you. But I will not stop the curse heading your way."

Adam looked sad, but she didn't give a damn. Let him leave. She didn't care anymore. He picked up his pack before grabbing hold of the railing once more.

She loved Adam Callas, there was no question, even as she looked at him with hatred as he leaped over the railing. Love was a cage in her eyes. And he was walking away with the key.

He didn't look back as he walking down the docks. His charcoal hair shone in the moonlight, and she watched his tall form as he walked away. Her hand itched for the gun in her boot, but she stayed still.

Her nails dug into the railing, scratching down the wood. He would be back, and she would be ready. And stronger.