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Henry Mills' Guide to Trick or Treating

Hello, I'm Henry Mills, and I'm here to help you get the most candy as possible. My Halloween motto is; time is money, money is business, business is candy.

Here are a few tips on how to get the max amount of candy.

1) Prepare your first Halloween costume at least 5 weeks in advance, that way you can plan to have at least 5 other costumes to hit the houses you've already hit at least 5 more times to get 5 times more candy. (hint: always wear a mask and never say anything more than "Trick or Treat", "Happy Halloween", or "I'm allergic to that", so they can't recognize you by your voice.

2) Always be sure to start early so you can get the most King sized candies, but not too early so that the people giving out the candy are annoyed by your early presence that they give you less.

3) If a person takes 5 minutes to get to the door, ring or knock again, after 5 more minutes, you can go. Do not spend too much time at one place and let every other place get all the good candy taken.

4) If you have a cute sibling (especially one with dimples) make sure to take them along to get some bonus treats from those who find his face irresistible, ie: everyone (hint: if you dress them up as some sort of animal, you are guaranteed a few extra pieces at least).

5) You'll notice that 5 is a recurring number here, that's because it's the lucky Halloween number. It's the minimum number of pounds your candy bag should weigh at the end if you want to be able to eat some every day and have it last more than a month. It's also the earliest you should go trick or treating because if the sun is still out by then and you have a really hot costume, you'll by sweating up a storm by the time you get to the last house.

6) If you have a mom who has magic (or in my case, moms) make sure to promise to give them a cut if they can make you have an amazing costume with their magic. It's always worth it. Halloween is the one day a year you can dress up like anyone or anything and no one is allowed to judge you. Plus, the more creative your costume is, the more likely you are to be that one person that everybody gives that one extra King Sized to.

7) "Take just one" bowls are your best friends. It may seem like you could probably take one, and it would be polite to, but then again, the people who set those out don't care enough to honor the great tradition that is trick or treating. If they're not sticking to the rules, you don't have to either, take as many as you'd like.

8) Have a phone with you, but don't look at it until you're done (unless there's a Pikachu nearby). Phones will distract you from the ultimate goal of getting as many houses down as you can. Plus the less times you go on your phone for stupid things, the more battery life it'll have in case you get lost or your mom is calling you to interrogate you about your knowledge of a certain pirate stealing her eyeliner. Remember the ultimate goal is candy, don't let yourself get distracted by anything.

9) If you own a sonic screwdriver, those are better than carrying a flashlight, or a safety whistle, because they're two in one. If you're trick or treating with someone and it get's dark, you can try using the light to find them, or you can use the sound to let them know where you are so they can come to you. If you don't own a sonic screwdriver and you don't know what those are, then you seem like a stone cold dalek for not watching the greatest sci-fi show ever.

10) CANDY IS KING! So if someone asks you to trade some candy with them, always make them believe that you like every candy have, even if you don't like some of them. That'll make them raise the stakes when you trade, and you'll always get more than if they knew that you would trade those pieces no matter what. It's always best to be the swindler, not the swindlee (that's what you can learn by having two thieves as dads).

Hope these tips maximized your candy supply, Happy Halloween!