cold cold // yuri!!! on ice

|7|

like i feel the ice...

i felt it. the moment his foot left the doorsill, dropping the stone of heavy, cold loneliness back where it had once been. regret clawed through me.

right in the palm of my hands. slipping through my fingers, brittle grains of sand grinding, breaking lines in my skin.

why did i let you get away?

an hour passed. on trembling feet, i crawled back out, eyeing the place where he had once sat. a wad of bills laid dejected in one of the empty glasses.

what had caused the livid tears to roll down my face? surely not something so simple.

i closed my hand over my mouth, smothering broken sobs. all the tension locked up in me from the past days, years even, holding in emotion. lost in the sudden repercussions of my grieving soul, after its first taste of love.

was this even love? soulmates are supposed to be true, but...

i couldn't do this. acting like an ignorant child, bawling on the floor of a run down bar. breathe, just breathe.

you're going to get up, grab his money, and forget he ever came.

why couldn't i stop crying?

tears ran even still as i trudged over to the counter, where drying drops of cold beer lay. the clank of glass felt mute to me as i collected the empty bottles. only the money was left, sober on the counter.

way more than what he had owed.

cursing, i grabbed the bills, using shaky thumbs to count.

a piece of paper was wedged in the middle.

lined like from a notebook, torn and ripped edges, a blotch of liquid staining a corner. folded down the middle.

blood froze in my veins. trembling hands let the useless bills flutter to the ground, as i clutched to the sheet.

Victor, Victor, what are you doing to me?

i folded out the lines and held it to my face, quickly tracing over the elegant cursive inlaid. my heart fell to my stomach, racing tears once again slipping down my cheeks. cries of sorrow and dull anger raged from my lips, my hands to tired to move from where they clung to the note.

how dare you do this to me, Victor? how dare you make my heart explode and my soul fill with explicit yearning for your foreign touch?

"i hope you find your soulmate, too. -V"

muttered profanities danced off my tongue as i stumbled, desperately trying to cling to what was real. i hate you so much, Victor. i hate that i can't stop from loving you.

"pardon, i must have-"

my head whipped up, lines of tears still running from my swollen eyes. his note was soaked, crumbled in my clenched fists. he stood hesitantly at the doorway, once again here in front of me. concern puddled in the murky glistening of his eyes.

i didn't even insinuate on why he had come back, or why the note was left. i fell to my knees, gripping where the aching in my chest had began.

"you're my soulmate," i rasped, "and i can't stay away anymore. ."