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I screwed up

You know that feeling that you've just screwed up really bad, and you just don't know how to fix it? That basically sums up my life right now. Hell, my life in general. I used a red pen and drew a line on my arm yesterday to see how my friends would react. Nobody noticed. I left it there today. Nobody noticed. Until lunch, where I laid my hand showing it on the table we were sitting at. Two of my friends seemed to notice the red line and wonder about it, but they didn't say anything. Then Erin spoke up. She gave me a bunch of crap about it, which I FULLY DESERVED. I felt my heart sink into my chest and have been trying so hard to hold back tears for about 45 minutes now. I kept trying to apologize, but it just made her madder. I eventually told my friends about my depression before storming up the stairs to our wing. I sat alone like normal, but kept bugging her about how sorry I was. We haven't made up yet, but I SEVERELY hope we do. I'm going to talk to my friend Brody on the bus about it now. I've been such a bitch and this has been eating away at my soul for so long. It's such a pain to know that there are still so many more problems I have that I'm yet to own up to. And if Erin's reading this right now, I'M SO SO SO UNBELIEVABLY SORRY! Erin means so much to me and the huge risk of loosing her right now is KILLING ME. For the one billionth time,

ERIN, I'M SORRY!

- Maddy, your friend.

11/1/16 2:22 PM, the WORST day of my life.