Scarred ➵zauren

Chapter 5

"What the hell are you doing? Are you brain dead?" Paul shoved my shoulder to get my attention but I continued to look at myself in the mirror blankly. The small space I'd wiped away of the fog from the steamy shower I'd taken only showed my face. It was me on the outside, but my insides felt like they'd been taken over by something else.

A few weeks before, after an argument with Paul that left me with a brutal bruise over my ribs, he proceeded to force himself on me for the first time ever. I don't know what happened, he was just so angry and I was afraid to resist even though all I wanted to do was run out of the house. Things were never like this and I couldn't figure out what had caused this mess.

The reasoning was the least of my worries right now; after the news I'd just gotten, my greatest worry would be his reaction if he knew. I was over two weeks late with my period and that had never happened before. While Paul was out at work, I went and got a few pregnancy tests and they turned out positive. Ashamed of the way my first child had been conceived, I jumped in an unusually hot shower, wishing to wash away the dirty feeling.

I always wanted to be a mother and at a time I wanted Paul to be the father. But after the decline we'd had, I didn't even want to live with him, there was no way I'd be happy about him being the father of my child.

"Hello?! I'm talking to you bitch," Paul grabbed my face and turned my face up to his roughly.

"I-I'm sorry," I apologized immediately, afraid of his backlash.

"You answer when I speak to you," he released my face in disgust.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

"About what? You better not be thinking about telling anyone what happened a few weeks ago, because-"

"I'm not Paul. That's not it."

"Than what is it?"

"I took a test," I sighed and looked up at Paul again who's face scrunched up in confusion.

"A test? What kind of test? I swear if your whore ass has an STD I'll fucking-"

"Can you let me talk for a second and stop assuming things?" I snapped, frustrated that he wouldn't let me speak and angered by the name calling.

"Watch it," he threatened.

I sighed and began again,"I took a test cause my period is late. I'm pregnant, Paul."

"Well...shit. What are we gonna do? You're going back soon.."

"I don't know yet. But that's what I was thinking about."

"Do you wanna keep it?"

"What? Of course I do," I responded astounded that he'd even ask. It's like he didn't even know me at all.

"Fuck, so we're gonna be parents?"

"Definitely seems like it..."

"Mommy?" Ryan's voice snapped me out of the strange memory that had flooded my brain as I stared at myself in a similarly foggy mirror.

I looked over at him and he was rubbing his eyes sleepily, "Just woke up nugget?"

"Yeah," he nodded, dropping his hand from his eye. "Where daddy?"

"H-He..I think he went to the store a second buddy," I informed though I didn't really know where he went off to. As soon as Paul got off of me, he went into the shower and minutes later ended up leaving.