Scarred ➵zauren

Chapter 13

Lauren's POV

"You done munchkin?" I peeped my head inside the bathroom where Ryan was dressing himself and brushing his hair. He insisted that he do it alone because he was four now and that automatically implied he was capable to do everything alone. How silly of me to have thought he was still my little baby.

"I got stuck but I'm almost done," he smiled proudly.

"Stuck where?" I chuckled as I already noticed his button up shirt stuck in the zipper of his pants.

Ryan looked down and sighed, realizing he was still in a crisis.

"Can I help you or are you too big for mommy's attention," I wondered.

"I need your help big time momma," he requested.

I stepped in and squatted beside him, tucking my dress beneath my legs so it wouldn't touch the floor.

When Ryan had stepped into the bathroom, Zayn and I realized we were about to speak about our relationship with his family, yet, Ryan had no clue about anything. After a few moments of deliberating, I decided I should tell Ryan exactly what was going on, alone. Zayn headed out of the room and for the lobby where I'd catch up with him and his family as soon as I was finished with Ryan. We didn't want to create any tension if for some reason the situation became uncomfortable for Ryan. I was worried about having to explain my feelings..I was never really great at it but this was my son and I had to grow up and tell him what I felt.

"Can I talk to you about something Ry?" I asked as I tried to unhook his shirt that was stuck in the zipper.

"What is it mommy?"

"Well..you know me and your dad..you know we aren't together anymore right?"

"Yeah momma, he hurt you, you don't love him no more," Ryan nodded as he watched me tuck his shirt in correctly.

"Right. He did bad things and my heart was hurt more than anything. Do you still love him?"

"Uh.." Ryan shrugged and looked down as if he were ashamed. "Sometimes...sometimes I miss him. But..I know he hurt you...and me and I don't want to see him but..sometimes I miss him. Does that mean I love him?"

"Not really..you miss him sometimes cause you were connected in a way and it's okay to feel that way. I just want you to understand that me and abuela and abuelo and Tio and Tia..we don't want him around you because we don't want you to get hurt and that's all he does papo, he hurts and he makes people cry and we don't want that for you. You understand?"

Ryan nodded. "But does that mean I love him still?"

"Only you can really know what you love, Ry. Like..you love superheroes right? If someone asked you: 'do you love ironman?' What would you say?"

"I would say yes!"

"See, you know you love him. You just know when you love something or someone. If you're kind of confused about it..you may not really love something or someone. Love is just something we feel and know without having to think about it."

"I would say I love you, mommy," Ryan mentioned and my heart melted each time he admitted it.

"And I love you..without any second guesses ever," I squeezed his cheek gently, making him giggle. "I'm saying this cause I want you to really understand something."

"What momma?"

"Me and Zayn..we're dating. Do you know what that means?"

"You're dating?" He furrowed his eyebrows. "Like you kiss on the mouth?"