10 Things I Would do if I were a...

Demon

 Demon

The Song~ Devil Went Down to Georgia by Charlie Daniels Band

1.       Never Stop Drop and Roll ~ They live in the fiery pits of, well, you know. Fiery being the operative word.

            My dad is a firefighter, so it’s obvious that I have had the basic fire prevention training as a young child that most other’s had. You know, smoke rises, don’t touch the fire, feel the door for heat; that kind of thing. The most important and well known lesson being the whole Stop, Drop, and Roll shebang. You see it on posters, on T.V., the firefighters tell you all the time; if you, or your clothes, catch on fire Stop whatever you are doing, Drop to the ground, and roll around until the fire goes out. If I was a Demon, however, that whole save your life by rolling around on the ground thing probably would just make it worse.

                You see, most people think that where the demons live, down there, is full of fire. So, if I’m on fire, how the heck would I put it out by rolling in more fire? It wouldn’t work, that’s what would happen. I would much rather carry around a whole bunch of mini fire extinguishers. That way when I caught on fire (there are no ‘ifs’ about it), I can just point the nozzle at the affected area (the part of me in flames), pull the pin, and let the white foamy relief fly.

                I would keep a whole host of little, and big, fire extinguishers in my house; like a whole room full. I would need it just to get through the day. There’s just so much of the red flamey stuff here, catching on fire is unavoidable; it’s best to be prepared.  Ahh, feels so much better when I’m not burning, now all I need is some burn cream. 

2.       Get a lot of moisturizer ~How many demons have you heard of with smooth skin? I haven't heard of any.

               Now I’ve read a lot of books, some with demons, and a lot without. But, I’ve only ever read one or two where the demon, in its true form, had beautiful skin.

 And why should they? I mean it’s like a bajillion degrees down where they live and I’m willing to bet it isn’t a nice moist heat like the stuff you get in the jungle. It’s probably closer to the ‘I’m in the middle of a fire so there is no possible way there could be any moisture in the air’ kind of heat, like desert heat. This means that, as a demon, dry, cracking, and itchy skin plague them.

So, for me? I’ll always go for a little, well, maybe a lot of that moisturizing stuff. Some Aloe, a little coconut oil? That’s the stuff! I’d probably slather it on at least three or four times a day. Any chance I get between my demony jobs would be committed to the application of moisturizer to my poor dry skin.

I would have the softest, prettiest skin there, which isn’t really saying much. I wouldn’t have the best lips though… Chap stick please!

3.       Buy Some Sunglasses ~ The light! It burns!

Okay, so again with the fire. I don’t know if any of you noticed, but fire is kinda bright. The sun is a big ball of fire after all. When you live where the demons live, I’m pretty sure the glare would be pretty bad. Even worse would be when your eyes adjust to the light, and then you go into the house, or wherever you live, and you can’t see a thing because, even with the lights on, it isn’t even close to bright enough to compare with the light outside, rendering you practically blind for the first couple of seconds. Anyone else have that problem? That always annoys me.

We all know the fix for this issue, Sunglasses.

So, if I were a demon, I would most definitely wear sunglasses 24-7. That way, even though I was practically living on the sun, I could still walk into wherever I was living without the whole blindness jive. I could keep my eyes happy, and still see where I step when I enter my bungalow after a day of working in the sun-bright light of the fire.