10 Things I Would do if I were a...

Dragon

Dragon

1. Get a Pharmacy's Worth of Cold Medicine~ No! Don't sneeze!

The cold. A horrible disease that scientists have yet to find a true cure for. Now, I know it has nothing on things like cancer, but still, it makes you feel gross with all the coughing and sneezing and sniffling. Plus, colds almost always lead to fevers and they're even worse! With all of the chills and heat waves where you have to snuggle into the blankets and try to keep warm. Even when you are full of hot chocolate and covered chin deep in thick blankets, you still can't tell if you're ever actually warm. Not to mention it almost always leads to the flu or something like that. Yuck!

As a dragon though, it's much worse. Just think about it; one sneeze and you burn down half the forest! Not to mention whichever one of your friends that happened to be standing in front of you. The poor self-assigned nurse would be turned into a little bit of burned crispy! Yeah, as a dragon, I would so not let that happen. I would have to take precautionary measures to the highest degree. One of these being buying a whole heck of a lot of the hand sanitizer, the other, purchasing a pharmacy's worth of cold medicine. Maybe I'd just steal a whole Rite-Aid so that I would just have a life-time unlimited supply of medicine. Plus, I wouldn't have to terrorize the local populous. I mean, I would be terrified too if a giant scaly, fire breathing lizard walked into my neighborhood drug store. Sanitization would need to occur often, every few hours to prevent infection. And I would have to drink those disgusting preventative drink fizz things. Uggh! Prevention sounds even grosser than the medicine I would have to take to cure my cold, but it would be worth it. If I could keep myself healthy and disease free, I could avoid frying friends.

The way to keep my friends safe from my flames, would be to keep the sickness away.

2. Get a Ton of Pepto-Bismol~ Imagine the heart burn

Heart burn is the bane of lovers of fatty foods. The burning feeling in, well, your heart area are causes of several commercials and popular products all over. Why would there be such a horrible thing? I don't know, but I think it's a way for our bodies to just say 'No way! Don't put that in me!' Yep our body, fun right? But, you see, dragons not only enjoy fried chicken, or maybe fried knight, they also breathe fire, which burns. The poor critters must have a horrible problem with heart burn!

If I were a dragon, I would not suffer such a fate! I would make an effort to fix my digestion issues! I would buy a whole bunch of the medical fix. That's right I would buy a lot of Pepto-Bismol. I could keep it in the drug store that I keep my cold medicine. That way I wouldn't have to go very far and none of the populous would be traumatized. Plus, I could have as much of the meds as I needed without having weird restrictions 'cause we all know a dragon would need a much higher dosage than a normal person. I would need at least three times more than a normal person would. I could dose myself then it's a happy day of relief.

A happy day of fried chicken and belching fire is a head, as long as I treat the burning first.

3. Find some Knights and Tell Them What-For~ Inconsiderate fools! I have feelings too!

They're the bane of dragons everywhere. Truly, with their stupid bulky metal suits and swards, it's almost like it's their job to fight dragons! I mean, knights, really? Just because they put a 'k' in front of the word that means the opposite of day does not make them cool. They're so violent; going over to dragon's homes and stabbing them. What did the dragon ever do to them! I mean, sure a few dragons are bad, but not all of them!

That's why, if I were a dragon, the misunderstood race, I would find some knights and tell them off. Just think of it, the knights go around killing any dragon they saw. What if that poor dragon was just on its way to the store? I get it that some dragons kidnap pretty chicks and stuff, but how does that dignify a mass execution of the species? Some of them could just be good with sleeping on their piles of gold, or living in the forest. If they aren't being a pest there is no need to kill them! Anyway, I would find a whole bunch of knights and make them live with me so that they would realize that I wasn't so bad, and therefore my species would need to be considered the same. I would have to take their weapons from them, of course; couldn't have them stabbing me in my sleep. That would definitely hurt. The only problem with my plan would be the unwillingness of my guests. How would I go and get food for us all if they kept trying to escape all the time? Why must people be so frustrating? I'd have to block the exit with a rock, like a really big one. In time, they'd understand that I didn't want to maul them, or use their suits as slow cookers. We'd be best friends in the end! At least that would be the plan.