Ricky
He's going to hate me. He's going to think I only like him because I'm in some fantasy that he's my dead lover. Although Chris reminded me of Mike I was fully aware he wasn't him. He was Chris and I loved him. I'm just scared to.
I look at my sleeping baby boy before going outside. Ryan was sharing a cigarette with Angel who sat in-between his legs. They were staring at the pups we trapped yesterday. We made sure they were warm and fed. They were aggressive, which was understandable. Their pack was either dead or ran like bugs from a fire. They were to young to care for themselves and hopefully that meant we could make them a little less like ruthless killing machines.
"What should we do with them." I ask Angel after sitting next to them.
"Show that we aren't going to hurt them. Take one out at a time, when they're alone they'll be more timid. Make sure the others are watching. Once they're comfortable with us, repeat." He takes another drag.
"You make it sound so easy."
"They're young pups, they learn fast."
I turn to Ryan, "how's the shoulder."
"Hurts a bit. Is everything alright with you?" It was more a tell me what's wrong instead of a question.
"I just told Chris about Mike and now I'm scared he'll be upset."
"I doubt it Rick, that boy adores you. Plus you have much more control than before."
"What if something goes wrong, I could hardly take it with Mike. If it happens again I'll rip out my own heart and stomp on it."
"Ricky don't say that. Go talk to Chris and figure out what to do. Worrying about what ifs isn't going to solve anything.
Although I didn't want to I took his advice anyways.
*
"There you are." Chris says happily, bending down to kiss my cheek. I wrap my arms around his neck to hold him there.
"We need to talk." I mumble. Worry crosses his face as we walk to my room.
"You remember everything I said before about what happened to Mike?" He nods. "So you understand why I'm scared to be with you."
Tears fill his eyes, "I don't want to leave you."
"I don't want to either, but I want you to have the best. I can't show my love with out fear of literally killing you." It pained me to say this.
"You love me?" He said hopefully.
"Yes Chris, I love you. I can't hurt you."
"It'll hurt me to be apart from you. I want to be with you forever, are you sure there's another way?"
I squeeze my eyes shut in a miserable attempt to keep the tears from falling. "No."
"Yes." We look at Ryan standing in the doorway. He sits in front of us. "You two obviously love each other and I can't stand back and watch Ricky lose everything again." He turns to Chris, "Chris what do you want?"
"I want to be turned."
"No." I say, "you could die."
"No one I've turned has ever died," ryan said. "remember all the others you've tried to turn."
My eyes widen in realization, "it's something wrong with me not them. I killed Mike along with the others." It's all my fault.
A hand is placed on my shoulder, I didn't know who's it was but I didn't care, "don't fucking touch me!" I growl
The hand moves and the weight shifts away from me. Chris. I fuck everyone up that I love.
I run out the door right into Devin, "what's wrong." He tries to pull me into a hug but I run before he gets the chance. I turn into raven form and find a tall tree to hide in. I turn back and cling to it while I cry. This was the tree we sat under when I tried to turn Mike. It had a comforting feeling to it.
Don't be scared.
I look around for a source of the voice.
Go ahead Ricky, go to your boy. Have Ryan change him.
I stare at the tree in disbelief, "Mike?"
Yes my little vampire, now go. He needs you and you need him.
I fly down the tree and walk back up to my room. Chris was upset until he saw me and his face light up.
"I'm so sorry for yelling at you, and to Devin for running into you." The both hug me, I don't deserve their love and comfort.
"Are you sure you want this?" I turn to Chris.
"Yes, I want this."
I look to Ryan, who sits Chris on the floor. "First Ricky needs to take half your blood which will kill you."
"Fuck no, I can't do it."
"Yes you are, then I'm going to inject venom into you. You'll come back as a vampire. Simple as that."
I feel numb as Chris pulls me onto his lap so I'm straddling him. "I don't want to hurt you."
"It'll be ok." I give him a passionate kiss before sinking my fangs into his neck. I choose an artery making it quick and painless. I drank until my stomach bulges out and he went limp. Tears enter my eyes once again.
Unable to move Ryan lifts me from his lap. He looked at me for permission before bitting down on his neck.
"He'll wake up in a few hours hungry and confused. I'll get him fresh blood."
"Thank you Ryan."
"Anything for you big brother."
Wait, I turned you. And Devin. And Josh. How are you they alive?
*
Chris stared up at me with a blank expression. It was freaking me out.
"Chris baby, do you know what's going on?" He blinked a few times before sitting up.
"It hurts."
"Ryan will be here soon with blood."
Hurry up.
Just getting to the house now.
He hands me a large cup of blood. Chris hesitates before drinking, he seemed to enjoy it. His eyes turned a light honey color.
"More?" Ryan comes back with blood in a milk jug.
"Don't drink to fast, you'll get sick." He doesn't listen and ends up choking, getting blood on his shirt.
"Babe I know you're hungry but slow down." He listened this time.
Looking satisfied now that he was full he rested his head in my lap. "I love you Ricky." "I love you to Chris."
