Nights only the Winter Remembers

7/4/16

Summer just started
3 lovers in
And the party is over
liberation or more like minimization
in the back of his jeep Cherokee 2000 and I don't know
In the back of his Hyundai hatchback
In the comfort of my aunts bed room
It's funny how so much has taken place there
In the place I find refuge
It's been months since I received a kiss on the anything besides my vaginal lips
And I'm 3 weeks into summer
3 partners no lovers
4 bodies including mine
exhausted
with summer's heat
Never failing to complete what had been started
Summer heat is the only thing that warms my heart still
This is Deja vu
This looks too much like last Summer's agenda only difference is now I know I stand on my own two feet
I'm only looking for a one night soirées every other night with
3 different men
All on rehearsed schedule
Booze and brandy show me what immortality feels like
when he hits his climax
I reach my lowest,
all the reciprocity i get is
a lonely conflicted Summer's night alone with my cat
My toilet knows magnums so well
Flush them down with things that could of been mine
I remember I told you this pussy was yours
And I think I should of been telling my self that
i think i should of been telling myself that
I don't belong to these men
They have no obligation over me
I should have obligation over me
Because i need myself the most
I should be the only come thru message I reply to at night
When all the restaurants are closed
And the moon is giving the okay to sin
Summer's heated night
Taught me to never forget to clean up
After tsunamis
Flood my bed
i got the soul of new Orleans in '06
And he wonders why I left so soon after
I know he wants me to stay and talk
Because me intriguing his mind helps him feel Alittle less guilty of how he treated me in the past
But after he is done I collect my stuff and I run
This is all the intimacy i allow myself to deserve
Love has no space in walls as tight as mine
I try convincing my self this is all I want from these summer nights
but mind has been trying to reach goals higher than this
But high is something that only last for a couple hours so I'm not counting on it
Like the sky
That can fall any day
But seems to fall for me every night
Or heaven that is not promised to any of us
I'm just trying to hold on through the summer

- you could of stayed and cuddled after