Photo of Johnny at the top
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On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me... a BIG pleasant surprise!
So I was walking my ass out of my local target when-
Voice: Bitch you know yo broke ass was walking out of the dollar store.
Gertrude: WHEN i stumbled upon this fine ass beef cake who looked like Arnold's cousin and i was S H O O K!
Mind you though it was right around the time where i was considering the faint possibility of all religions being a sham, so my morals were not in check.
Voice: Oh since when did you have morals?
Gertrude: Can you shut the fuck up?
Voice: K bitch... just know that imma call yo ass out.
Gertrude: Anyway as soon as I saw that beefcake-
Voice: You mean hoodrat?
G: As soon as I saw HIM I knew he would be the one!
Voice: The one who would fuck you on day 1 because he desperate as fuck?
G: Yeah him.
V: Well shit... continuou.
G: So as I witness him ever so effortlessly move his almost full of kool-aid shopping cart across the dirty parking lot, deep down in my heart-
V: You mean pussy hole?
G: Deep down in my pussy hole...
V: Preach!
G: I knew he would give it me right. So i approched him.
V: And then what happened?
G: Will you let me finish?
V: Fine...
G: As I eerily creep up behind him, I hear him talking with some bitch on the phone. It must've been his wife. She was complaining that he was unfaithful to her and that she demanded more respect from him as a husband.
V: And you being the cum hungry dick pig that you are, still slept with him, didn't you?
G: Of course.
G: As he ends his call I could almost hear the divorce lawyers doing their civil duty by putting this man back on the market for single gals to chew up.
V: Dafuk?
G: He put his nokia phone back in his ripped ass pocket, which was the perfect time to strike. So i sparked up a conversation with him.
~G: Hola Papi! You looking very sad, Papi? Tell me and i make you feel better, Papi!
V: Why the accent? Just.... WHY?
G: He looked like the type of guy who would enjoy a spicy latina.
V: Bitch you whiter than Guy Fiery's sperm.
G: You are a hater.
V: And you are a dumbass.
~Guy: Man... I don't even know. My wife be actin all pissed and shit cuz i fucked with some bitches fo fun and man... i just-
G: He takes a second to admire my finly curved ass and-
V: Bitch you flat.
G: He admires my body structure for a second before he continoued his train of thought.
~Guy: Aw shit mama I didn't even introduce myself! My name is-
G: For the sake of identity theft let's call him Johnny Bigdick... JB for short.
~JB: My name is JB and I would just like to say that you are looking mighty fine today.
G: He says as he licks his lips playfully while giving me a wink.
V: Those are not the only lips he will lick tonight.
~G: Oh thank you Papi. My name is Gertrude and I am here to release you of the pain of your bitchy wife.
G: I say as i slowly begin to massage his back.
V: *cough* Thirsty bitch *cough*
G: You know what! Yeah! I was thirsty! So fuck you!
~JB: Is that so mama? Well then why don't we go to my car right now, and you can unscrew my bolts.
G: He said as he winked, thinking that he said something smart.
V: Please tell me you didn't...
G: Oh I did.
~G: Oh ok Papi lets go.
~JB: It's right at the front, I found a good parking space.
~G: Yes, Papi!
V: Still going strong with that Papi shit...?
G: I always stay in character.
G: He pulls me by the hand, oh so forcefully, I think I broke a muscle, and we arrive at his "car".
V: I can't wait to hear this.
G: By car... I mean a broken down Nissan Sunrise, which I think is what it said on the back of the car. I couldn't read it because fungus was hiding it.
V: Fungus?
G: Point being that it wasn't no Porche. We still fucked though. And let me tell you it was tight and uncomfortable but we still had fun.
V: You're talking about the car right?
G: When he sat me down and i unzipped his cargo pants i saw the biggest jolly rancher of my life! Let's just say it ended with me in the bottom and him on top. *wink*
V: Just skip to the end.
G: Oh... well then he said...
~JB: IM GONNA CUM
~G: NOT THE FACE PAPI!!
V: OH GOD I DIDNT MEAN THAT!! What happened after that?
G: Oh he came on my face and offered to pay me in weed, because he didnt have any cash on him.
V: So he thought you were a whore?
G: A pretty damn good one.
V: We have got some work cut out for us...
YOU ARE READING
12 Days A Working Woman
General FictionA young and innocent real woman, full of outsanding potential, good credit and enough money to buy you sixteen packs of Calvin Klein panties, decides to throw that all away this Christmas, for 12 days, because being as quiet as a nun isn't assisting...
